Real Madrid Round Up

So, where are we currently standing?

Real Madrid currently has 30 or so players on its rosters, at least 5 of which have got to go before August 31st (well, actually, before September 1st, but who wants all that last minute scrambling, any way?).

And the players are the following: Iker Casillas, Jerzey Dudek, Michel Salgado, Sergio Ramos, Raul Albiol, Miguel Torres, Christoph Metzelder, Pepe, Gabriel Heinze, Marcelo, Eziquiel Garay, Roysthon Drenthe, Mahmadou Diarra, Lassana Diarra, Fernando Gago, Dani Parejo, Wesley Sneijder, Rafael Van der Vaart, Guti, Kaka, Arjen Robben, Cristiano Ronaldo, Raul, Gonzalo Higuain, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, Klaas Jan Huntelaar, Karim Benzema, Alvaro Negredo, Esteban Granero and Alberto Bueno.

Sure fire to be in the squad next season - Iker (no explanation needed), Dudek (just signed an extension, will be the second GK), Sergio Ramos (come on), Raul Albiol (15 M and will leave?), Torres (rotation), Pepe (one of the best in the world at his position), Lass (one of the sole rays of light from last season), Kaka (COME ON!), C. Ronaldo (SERIOUSLY!), Raul (DUDE!), Higuain (the other ray of light...), Benzema (MAN!) and Granero (just bought and coach likes). 12.

Who else? Salgado, Marcelo, Gago, Sneijder, Guti. They'll probably stay. 17. Either Hienze will stay or someone will be purchased (Arbeloa) to replace him. 18. Metzelder, I guess. 19. Ruud and Mahmadou seem to be staying. 21. Garay, too. 22.

On the outs are Drenthe (almost certain), Parejo (already out), VdV (probably), Robben (probably not), Huntelaar (most definitely), Negredo (question of time) and Bueno (back to Castilla/loan thingy to another club).

Assuming Robben stays, 23. Add to that Xabi Alonso (*fingers crossed*), and that's 24. And keep VdV for good measure. 25. Success! Now, if only it were this easy in real life...

On a side note, and a completely unrelated one at that, I HATE LAPORTA! The president of Barcelona. I HATE HIM!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! He said Real's purchases were imperialistic, said that Barca doesn't buy players, it grows them, and then goes and almost, ALMOST, offers 92 MILLION EUROS!!! for Ibrahimovic. Then, Eto'o appears to have agreed to move to Inter, so it's only going to cost Barca 40 M. And he dares to say that this buy isn't expensive. I HATE HIM!!!!!!! *fingers crossed the deals falls through, and Zlatan stays in Inter*

Some Stuff...

MOVIES!

I recently watched, and quite enjoyed, the following films -

• 17 Again - Nice little idea, not great execution...
• Angels & Demons - Okay, the film wasn't great, but I just loved the book, and therefor had to like the movie...
• Fast and Furious - The previous were better, but I liked the "reunion" and all. Though Michelle Rodriguez's role was irrelevent, and not needed, really...
• Fired Up - I usually hate films where the antagonists are "awesome" and everything goes their way, except for one small thing, and this is one of those films. But I liked it.
• Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - Another one of the aformentioned type of films. And to top it if, it's a pure and unadultered chick flick. Not that good. My sister would love it.
• Land of the Lost - Crazy. Stupid. Hot chick. Two funny actors. What's not to like?
• Step Brothers - Crazy. Stupid. Two funny actors. An a capella version of "Sweet Child O' Mine". What's not to like?
• Terminator: Salvation - My first foray into Terminator territory. There. I said it. As such, EVERYTHING was new to me, and I quite enjoyed it.
• The Hangover - Doug, the guy getting married was in National Treasure. Yeah. This movie is LOL-inducing. Seriously. I was sitting in my room, at 3 AM, laughing out loud. Seriously.
• Three Kings - Released 10 years ago, and watched it just this week. I kinda liked it. Not really, but kinda.

CAR!

We got our old car back... BTW...

TV!

Shows I am watching update - Hotel Babylon (British people are the coolest), Entourage (YEAH!), Top Gear (see: Hotel Babylon), Burn Notice, Greek, Survivor, CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, South Park, American Idol, Chuck, Dexter (DAMN!), Friday Night Lights, Heroes, House, How I Met Your Mother (awesome, suit up!, and other apropriate Barney-isms), Lost, Numb3rs, The Big Bang Theory, The Simpsons and Futurama. Wheeooo....

GUITAR!

I am making zero progress. BUT! I have found a good place to learn from (for free, too!). After the last test (Next Sunday), I'll start working harder on improving.

HEADPHONES!

UPDATE: NONE of my headphones work. The set I am currently using, I have to twist the cord to get the right earpiece to work. ARGH!!! I really need to buy new ones...

That's it. You may proceed whatever it was you were doing before you stumbled upon this fascinating piece of information. Dismissed.

New Car, For Now...

We got a new car.

Well, not really. Our car's in the garage, and because it's leased, they gave us a new one. It's one of those HYOOOGE Chevrolet SUV/Minivans. Dunno what's it called.

The only good thing about it, is the stereo. It can play MP3 CDs. That's it. Yeah.

I pretty much hate it, and am anxiously waiting for the return of our car, a Honda FRV. MUCH better.

Though, I'll admit, if I had to, I could get used to the monster we have right now...

How I Met Your Mother

I admit. I didn't want to watch this series. I thought the idea was lame.

I watched it. It was, to quote a great character, "legen, wait for it, and you better not be lactose intolerant, 'cause the second half of the word is - dary!". LOL!

This show is awesome. Barney's awesome. And Robin's hot, even though she's Canadian (in real life too...).

I finished all four seasons available, and am now waiting for the 5th season's premiere, somewhere in September... Booo....

Glantoren 0-4 Maccabi Haifa

I'm still not sure how to write that Northern Irish team's name, but as of today, I won't need to either.

Maccabi Haifa just beat them, 4 goals to nil.

Again, the match was pretty boring, and Haifa easily beat their opponent.

Next up, another team whose name I don't know how to write! They're the Kazakh champions, apparently. I dunno...

Shamrock Rovers 0-1 Real Madrid

YAY!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!

Real Madrid just beat Shamrock Rovers, 1 goal to nil. Yeah, I know, it's not really impressive, but it's just the first game, they still need to gel.

Good things - Cristiano Ronaldo. YEAH! Raul's looking good. Lass is still good. Sneijder and VDV were impressive. Benzema showed glimpses of what he can do, scored the only goal, and was one of the best players tonight. Parejo was pretty good.

Bad things - Defense. A normal team would have scored against Real tonight, at least once. Gago's trying too hard, Higuain not enough.

All in all, not a great match, and I'm looking forward to the next match, in which Kaka, Casillas, Ramos and Albiol should be playing.

Maccabi Haifa 6-0 Gelantorn

Maccabi Haifa just thrashed Gelantorn, the Northern Irish champion, 6 goals to nil.

The first half was mainly disappointment, with some good moments, but not a lot. The second half was much better, with 5 of the goals coming in those 45 minutes.

Haifa played very well, especially in the 2nd half, but the opponent weren't of a good enough quality to be able to say that they are in good shape. Hopefully though, after the rest that will be next week's leg 2 match, the players will be more than well rested, and will come to the next round prepared.

With this victory, Maccabi are all but through to the 3rd Round of qualifications to the Champions League. *fingers crossed that they get to the group stage!* *knock on wood*

The two new players in the club, Teixeira and Dablishvili, both started, and debuted, and both played well, with the Georgian striker being more impressive.

He scored 2 goals, joined on the scoring sheet by Refaelov, Katan, Arbeitman and Gadir.

I'M HAPPY!!!

Bored and Tired

Yes, I'm bored and tired as FUCK!

Some good news though:

* I have decided that I want to study. I KNOW! I will finish my degree, if they let me that is, and I will go to classes and do the homework necessary. YAY! And next semester, it will be easier to do all that, as I will share a room and live next to friends, one of which has the same "major" as I do (it's not really a major, but that's the closest thing to it, and the only way I can explain it.).

* There was a physics test on Wednesday. I barely studied, being stupid like that, but it was still a'ight. The problem was the fucking test. The teachers got it about 10 minutes before the test started, so they didn't get a chance to go over it. Because of that, they cancelled one question, out of ten, mid-way through the test. Of the other 9, I knew i got 3 right, was sort of sure about 2 others, and really guessed the other 4. It is 2 days later, and they decided to axe 4 questions and give everyone the 40 points (in one of those, they accepted 2 answers). In the end, yours truly, according to the answers published and the questions cancelled, should get a 90. WOOHOO! And I think they got one of the answers wrong, which would mean I'd get 100. WOOHOO!

* Benzema was presented last night as a Real Madrid player. "Only" 30,000 fans came to see him. Poor boy. No number yet for him, as he is waiting to see which players leave and which numbers free up before deciding (9 and 10, his previous numbers, are currently occupied).

* Real Madrid's pre-season has officially started today, with almost all the players, minus Iker, Sergio Ramos, Albiol, Kaka and a couple of youngsters-ish, practicing together for the first time. Yes, CR9's there. Yes, Benzema's there. And yes, Raul's there. The missing players got a permission to extend their vacations due to playing for their international team/sub-21 international team. They will be back before the month's over. YAY!

* The draw for the order of games in La Liga next season will take place today. I will post back with important dates, such as the Clasico, derbys, and such.

* Dexter. O. M. G. I saw the first episode, and was head over heels in love with this show. I am now about half way through the second season (12 episodes per), and I can honestly say I love this show. Michael C. Hall's one of the best actors on TV, and the two chicks closest to Dexter, Deb and Rita, dunno the actresses' names, are seriously hot, in a not-the-best-tits-and-not-the-most-beautiful-but-still-really-hot kinda way. I can almost, ALMOST, imagine myself actually dating someone that looks like on of them. Why almost? Well, that's a whole 'nother subject, I'm not quite ready to share with the world. All 3 of you reading. That's probably about 3 more than are really reading...

* The next test is in 3 days or so, and I don't know a single thing. I think I may have to do a Moed B, which is to say do the test again at a later date. It actually be a Moed C, as I will be in bootcamp (probably) when the Moed B will take place.

* Oh, yeah. Bootcamp. About that. In a couple of months or so, I will be whisked off for 4 weeks, and go through bootcamp. Plenty of time left before that little piece of "fun", but I'm already anxious/fearful/excited. Is that wrong?

Cristiano Ronaldo! 9! Cristiano Ronaldo!

HE'S HERE!!!!!

Last night, at 21:00 local time, Cristiano Ronaldo was introduced as a Real Madrid player, in front of 80,000 fans in the Santiago Bernabeu, and 10,000 outside of the stadium. AAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cristiano, or Ronaldo, depends on who you ask, chose the number 9, as his first two choices for the number, 7 and 17, were already taken by Raul and van Nistelrooy.

All I can say - YAY!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

Eusebio, one of the greatest Portugese players (he's from Angola or something, but player for Portugal), was in attendance, and was full of praise for the young footballer.

American Idol S06E14 - Top 20: Top 10 Guys

10 guys, and all that other bullshit. And yes, this stil IS American Idol. Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar. The show's taking credit. Did you expect anything else?

1) Phil - "Missing You" by John Waite. He dedicates the song to the Navy. NOT his daughters, the Navy. He's in the Navy, as a SINGER. Gosh... HAND GESTURES!! ARGH!!!! FUCK YOU!!! Sorry about that. It was a'ight. His voice sounded wierd. It was a'ight. And he sings about NOT missing the Navy? LOL! The last part of it, minus the ending, was quite good. But overall, just OK. Randy thought it was hot. HUH??? Paula's delusional. Simon's not jumoing out of his chair. He quite liked the bit towards the end, but he's not hearing anything unique.

COCA COLA! Sundance hears people telling him not to be crappy. AJ's got Mixed Emotions. Rolling Stones reference. LOVE IT! Jared will do Marvin Gaye.

2) Jared - "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye. GROSS. He dedicates it to his parents. After I finished puking and got to actually watch the performance, I was pleasantly surprised. The performance part of it could have been better, but the singing was very good! I quite liked it! The hand acros the face at the end SUCKED! Randy heard pitchiness, but loved the face move. Paula's steaming. Simon says she's funny. Once. Then Paula starts going into a later timeslot sort of show. Simon was reminded of the Love Boat. Jared says it would have been a great love boat. LOL! It's all falling apart! LOL!

3) AJ - "Feeling Good" by Nina Simone. He too dedicates the song to his parents. The violins filled start was yucky. Other than that, it was pretty good. The problem is, I don't know if it was the song I was diggin', 'cause I really like this song, or the vocals. I think it's the song... Randy loves the improvement. Paula's 5 yr old. Simon says it was nearly very good. LOL. "Chuning problems".

4) Sanjaya - "Steppin' Out With My Baby" by Tony Bennett. He dedicates the song to his grandpa. He died. Awww... That alone will win him a couple thousands of votes. His performance shouldn't earn him any. The look was horrible, the "moves" were terrible, the singing was sub-par, like WAY sub-par, and again, he's too quiet! The ending SUCKED. Randy called it bad high school talent show. Paula's wierd. She doesn't like Simon. LOL! Simon called it a ghastly post-lunched, dressed-up-by-parents-and-asked-to-sing, and not good.

5) Chris S. - "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne. He dedicates it to his HOT!!! wife. I really like him. And his singing. The fact that he's just so darn chubby just adds to it. VERY good performance. The first one tonight, other than the hand that was Jared, to bring both a performance that's good, and a good vocal. Randy likes that he's good. Paula's inconsistent. Simon thought he proved he's a good singer. He was worried about singing "Trouble" to his wife, but thinks the words worked it out.

6) Nick - "Fever" by Peggy Lee. He dedicates it to his girlfriend. Is he seriously going to sing "Fever"? a dude? SERIOUSLY? The whole performance seemed awkward. He might heave sung it OK, but he's a DUDE! Singing "Fever"! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Randy likes that he's better than last week. It was very pitchy, and he was rushing in bits, but it was kinda nice. Paula's redundant. Simon thought it was good, but he lacked charisma. Sorry, I mean "charismar".

COCA COLA! Blake thinks he needs to step it up.

7) Blake - "Virtual Insanity" by Jamiroquai. He dedicates it to his parents. Finally, FINALLY, a Jamiroquai songon Idol. FINALLY. I REALLY liked it! And the beatboxing's back! VERY good! Again, it's a welcome change up from all those old song. VERY GOOD! Randy likes him. He talks a lot about all the things I said. Paula's a fan. Simon thought the first part was a copycat, the second was great, and in the last the "chuning" went.

8) Brandon - "Time after Time" by Cyndi Lauper. He dedicates it to his grandma. It was really boring. And not exceptionally good. Not really good, either. Not good, at all. That was a backup singer's performance. He thinks it didn't fo enough for him vocally. And it was boring. Brandon makes excuses. Paula's full of "wisdom". Simon loves grandmas. He thinks he hasn't shown he's a good singer.

Simon's mum's b-day's in november, he loves puppies, and randy loves dawgs. Don't ask.

9) Chris R. - "Geek in the Pink" by Jason Mraz. He dedicates it to his grandma. O. M. G. I mean, it wasn't perfect, not that close really, and he did lose steam for a bit. BUT I LOVED IT! The song choice, the performance, everything, for me, was awesome. Randy thought it was better than the original. Paula's crazy. Simon says it was the best tonight, by a mile. LOVE IT!

10) Sundance - "Mustang Sally" by Wilson Pickett. He dedicated it to his son, Levi. Meet Levi, the son of Sundance. HA! The song choice was great, the song is immensly fun, BUT, it doesn't show off your vocals. Not really. But it's a crowd pleaser. And that's exactly what it was. Fun, as heck, but not great. Randy thought he dropped the bomb, and that it was hot. Not. Paula's deaf. Simon thinks he can do better. LOL at baby Levi with Sundance beard! LOL!

The "droid" thing was funny-ish.

1. Chris R.
2. Blake
3. Chris S.
4. Jared
5. Sundance
6. AJ
7. Phil
8. Nick
9. Brandon
10. Sanjaya

American Idol S06E13 - Top 24 Results

Because THIS, is AMMMMMMMMMerican Idol! Oh, and 24... 20... Whatever...

The judges think a girl will win. Probably. WE learn about some of the mentors this season - Diana Ross, Jon Bon Jovi (YAY!), J Lo, Gwen Stefani, Tony Bennett, Martina McBride, Lulu andPeter Noone, Barry Gibb. Impressive. Then, it's the obligatory recap, of the guys and girls' performances.

GROUP SONG: ALREADY!?!?!? YAY!!!! "Sowing the Seeds of Love" by Tears for Fears. Well, it's hard to say anything about it with SO MANY people performing...

On to the results, and the guys are first. Nick's petrified, Chris S. loves Simon. Simon says he likes him. The back row joins Ryan on stage. Brandon's safe. Sundance's safe. Chris R.'s safe. Nick's safe. He's shocked. Blake's safe. Paul's all alone on the stage. He's outta here! He sings. Yes, he still is barefoot.

The girls are next. LaKisha's nervous. The back row join Ryan on stage. Jordin's safe. Stephanie's safe. Sabrina's safe. Leslie's safe. Melinda's safe. Antonella's the only one left on stage. She looks petrified. She's safe. She's shocked. Ryan's mean. He calls Amy on stage. And she's outta here! She sings. Sanjaya cries.

That American Idol Challenge SUCKS! And the question's easy. It's B, BTW.

Fantasia's in da house! She looks like crap. "Big News" for her, as she's about to star in The Color Purple. Quincy Jones' in the audience, and tries to talk about the play, but is cut. LOL! She sings "I'm Here". She sang with "SH" instead of S. "But they shtill mine". LOL. But, she's still one of the better contestants on Idol. Ever.

Again with the girls. The ones that have yet to meet Ryan on stage do so. Haley's safe. LaKisha's safe. Gina's safe. Nicole and Alaina are left. Alaina's safe. Nicole's outta here! She's had a lot of fun. She sings.

On to the guys. Again, the ones that weren't on estage are now on stage. Chris S.' safe. Phil's safe. Jared's safe. AJ's safe. Sanjaya and Rudy are left. One of 'em's in the top 4 guys, the other's out. Sanjaya's safe. Rudy's outta here!

We see the journeys of the ones that are outta here. They're not having a "Bad Day", but rather are going "Home" by Daughtry. Then Rudy sings us out.

Watchmen

I saw the movie Watchmen the other day.

Again, a pretty wierd movie. It probably is down to my down right non-existent previous knowledge of the Minutemen and Watchmen and all of those things, though.

I liked the movie. Quite a lot. And i would like to say that Malin Akerman, and Carla Gugino (as the young Silk Spectre) are HOT! And the "porn" scene? HOT!

Also, kudos to the producers/editor/whomever for the awesome soundtrack - "The Times They Are A-Changin'", "99 Luftballons", Jimi Hendrix's version of "All Along the Watchtower", "Hallelujah", "The Sounds of Silence", a cover by My Chemical Romance of Dylan's "Desolation Row" and "First We Take Manhattan". NICE!

On a side note, Malin making out/sleeping with a glowing blue man was way gross.

American Idol S06E12 - Top 24: Top 12 Girls

After the sucking that was the guys (serously, how bad did THEY suck?), I'm really crossing my fingers and hoping for a better showing from the girls.

We get a recap of last night's guys' performances. Then, after some banter, we see a recap of the girls' journeys to the Top 24.

1) Stephanie - "How Come U Don't Call Me Anymore?" by Prince. Her parents believe in her. And for good reason. She's good. Very good. And the performance was good. Very good. The last note was all over the lace. But it was really good. Randy thought it set it off. He thought it was pitchy, though. But he liked it. Paula's drunk. Simon thought she was a million times better than any of the guys. That should be enough to save her from the claws of the Death Spot. Trademark pending.

COCA COLA! Melinda thought the guys were awesome. Some other girls talked too.

2) Amy - "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt. This song needs to be put down. Like yesterday. I mean, how many times can you listen do THE SAME DAMN SONG??? And when they do medicore shitty versions, like this one, I seriously couldn't care less. Carrie's first audition, the VERY FIRST one, was MUCH better. Randy said it was kinda boring. Paula's comatose. Simon can't remember her. And she's got no personality when she sings.

3) Leslie - "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" by Aretha Franklin. I'm tired. And bored. And I couldn't care less if I tried. Kelly's version was about a gazillion times better. The performance part SUCKED! The singing was meh-inducing. Except for the last run. That SUCKED! Randy's struggling. He thought the song was too big for her. Paula's crazy. Simon says something long and complicated, that Ryan later explains meant he thought she was out of her comfort zone. And it's the return of the Dawgpound. I could be more excited. Really, I could.

4) Sabrina - "I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You)" by Aretha Franklin. She looks really bad. She reminds me of a classmate i used to have. She was BUTT UGLY, and fugly as hell. Sabrina can sing, though. And she does a VERY good job. There were some parts of it I hated. But that's not to say they weren't good. Randy called her the one to beat. Paula's high as a kite. Simon thought it was the best so far.

5) Antonella - "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith. She's HOT! And gorgeous! Too bad she can't really sing. That really sucked. The arrangement was terrible. The phrasing was just plain wierd. And her "alterations" to the original lyrics were awful. At least she's hot! Randy thought it was really pitchy and bland. Paula's "supportive". Simon thought it didn't work. And he thinks the song is way too big for her. Is there ANYONE in the WHOLE singing world that THAT song's too big for???

COCA COLA! Jordin thinks her young age is an advantage. And a disadvantage.

6) Jordin - "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman. I kinda get what Simon was saying about the TOO sweet thing. The faces she made were exactly that. That being said, though, the performance was really good. The ending was great. Randy wants her to challenge herself. Paula's disturbing. Simon also wants her to push herself, and he thought it was good. LOL at Ryan "enlarging" himself.

7) Nicole - "Stay" by Chaka Khan. There was something not quite right with her performance. I can't quite put my finger on it. I guess it was good. I dunno. I'm puzzled. Randy thought it wasn't really working for him. It went right over his head. Paula's autistic. Simon thought it was indulgent and aggressive.

8) Haley - "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion. WHY WOULD SHE SING CELINE??? Well, that was a waste of time. It really was nothing. I mean, it's like those filler tracks on albums. WHY??? Randy eventually says it was just OK for him. Paula's an imbecile. Simon thought she sounded 40. He also thought it was boring.

9) Melinda - "(Sweet Sweet Baby) Since You've Been Gone" by Aretha Franklin. WOW. This girl's good. More than good. Great. More than great. Awesome. I mean, that was terrific! And she's completely unpretentious. Randy says she blew it out the box. She's shocked. Paula's repetitive. Simon says she's fantastic.

COCA COLA! Alaina says she's perfect. Well, not really, but that's basically what she said.

10) Alaina - "Brass in Pocket" by the Pretenders. Wow, that sucked. To begin, the volume on her mic was too loud, the song sucked, and the performance was just terrible. Andcoming after the Doolittle, it just shows how crappy she is. Randy thought it was really, buh, I don't know. Seriously. Paula's numb. Simon said it wasn't special, and it was a mess. Simon claims Ryan wants to date her. I seriously don't know what to do with that.

11) Gina - "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen. Sounded shouty at some parts. But other than the volume, it was pretty good. Randy thought it was kinda nice. Paula's complmentary. Simon doesn't think she hit the big note. I kinda agree with Simon, but I think it's still better than what he gave her credit for.

12) LaKisha - "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" by Jennifer Holliday. GUTSY song choice, to say the least. TA-TAS! The arrangement was kinda strange, but the singing! DAMN! Brilliant. She even sort of performed it! The ending was FANTASTIC! Randy bows. He says she laid it out, among many YEAH's. Paula's proud. Simon says he's tempted to tell the rest of the Top 24 to just go home. It was great, but not quite THAT great.

1. LaKisha
2. Melinda
3. Jordin
4. Sabrina
5. Stephanie
6. Gina
7. Nicole
8. Haley
9. Amy
10. Leslie
11. Alaina
12. Antonella

American Idol S06E10 - Top 24: Top 12 Guys

Finally, we get to the Top 24, and it's the guys' turn tonight!

We start with Ryan assuring us, for the 6th season in a row, that this is the most talented field ever. Then he blows his and the show's own trumpet. Not literally, though. That would have been disgusting. Then it's a recap of the guys' journeys to the top 24. The Rolling Stones ROCK. In just so mane ways, it's incredible.

1) Rudy - "Free Ride" by Edgar Winter Group. He's a self-proclaimed professional musician. And Simon doesn't like him. He's got some diction problems when singing. Either that, or no one told to to OVERenunciate when singing. The song is fun and all, but it's mainly down to the song choice, and not the singing. Randy thought it was really corny. "Any bar in America" I believe he said. Paula's an idiot. Simon thought he's not unique.

COCA COLA! Chris Sligh thinks all the guys look pretty. He's funny! LOL! Chris Richardson thinks they're all awesome. Brandon worked with Xtina, Timberlake, Usher et al.

2) Brandon - "Rock With You" by Michael Jackson. He's happy. I think. The "intimate" start was shiver-inducing. After we get over the initial discomfort, he does a very nice job. And the best news? 2 guys in, and still no ballads! Maybe this is the year they finally learn? Randy called it pitchy. Paula's useless. Simon called it safe and predictable. He thinks he's better than that.

3) Sundance - "Nights in White Satin" by the Moody Blues. It's being all down hill after his first audition, getting worse and worse with each passing performance. First ballad of the night. Well, you didn't really think THAT was going to last, right? God he sucks. Why did they put him through over that Tommy dude? The song SUCKED too. Just terrible. Randy thought he was pitchy all the way through. Paula's right. Did I actually write that just there? Simon called him very "dad in a wedding"-y. And flat. His tummy's very not flat, though.

Paula just rubbed her tits. It was oddly not attractive. Hmmm...

4) Paul - "Careless Whisper" by Wham!. He's always barefoot. I'm just groosed out. His smoke-y husky voice sounds REALLY forced. And, I could Care-less. HA! It really was very bad. The falsetto was just awful! Randy's back to saying the contestant's name three times. He thought it was very pitchy. He did like him calling him Mr. Jackson. Paula's hypocritical. Simon called it third rate. Ryan shows up shoe-less too. Ha! Solidarity, huh?

5) Chris R. - "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw. Both Bo and Elliott performed this song. But they did different arrangements. I really liked this performance. The stage presence and the movments were awkwrd, but in a good way, somehow. Randy thought he made it kinda work. He did mistake Gavin for Edwin McCain, though. So I don't know what to make of his comment. Paula's rude. Simon's negative. He thought the vocal was bad, and below standard.

6) Nick - "Now and Forever" by Richard Marx. The third ballad of the night's not as bad as the first two balladeers, but it's not great either. It's just there. Not great, not really bad. Randy thought it was really boring and very pitchy. And not good. Paula's drunk. Simon didn't thin kit was that bad. He says some other things. And he says he'll be there next week too.

7) Blake - "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane. He holds the mic in an odd way. That's about the only bad thing about it. The song was great, the singing was VERY VERY good, it was just great. He ever refrained from beatboxing! And, for a ballad, it was anything BUT boring. Randy was shocked at the song selection, but he kinda dug it. Paula's maternal. Simon thinks he's contemporary. And he thinks it's the best tonight.

8) Sanjaya - "Knocks Me Off My Feet" by Stevie Wonder. They keep pushing the sob story that is his hot sis not making it through. "I don't want to bore you". HA! Talk about comedy! He was barely audible for most of the song, too. And, yeah, it was boring. Just blah. Randy didn't think it was very good. Paula's pedophile-y. Simon thought it was the most dreary performance yet.

9) Chris S. - "Typical" by Mute Math. In the Birmingham auditions, he and the rest of the hopefuls had to sing Sweet Home Alabama about 37 times, and he didn't like thesong to begin with, so if he hears it again he'll probably go postal. HA! He's so chubby! In a good way! He's really pretty good. Never heard that song before, but pretty good. Randy thought it's all good, and he's a Chris fan. He loved it, and thought it was the bomb. Paula's stupid. Simon's torn, because the singing felt student-gig-y. And he calls Ryan sweetheart. LOL. And Chris ris Simon a new one, saying just because he doesn't sing Il Divo or the Teletubbies, doesn't mean he can't sing. ROFLMAO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Simon's pissed.

COCA COLA! Jared's a New Yorka, so he can handle the heat.

10) Jared - "Back at One" by Brian McKnight. We've never seen Jared before The Chair. But his "Cupid" was VERY good. He's got annoying and distracting hand gestures. I dunno. I guess it was a'ight. Randy thought it was pretty good, and ayight. Paula's moronic. Simon called it unadventurous And nasally.

11) AJ - "Never Too Much" by Luther Vandross. He's DESPERATE. Was the Idol experience, for him, orgasmic? moronic? boring? tree? HUH??? Keep on keepin' on? How lame s that quote? Well, at least he didn't sing a ballad. Paula was dancing. Simon was preplexed. It was aight. Randy thought it was vocally good, he can definitely blow, but didn't bring anything new to it. Paula's observant. Simon thought it was good. Not great, not terrible. And kind of a theme park performance. And predictable.

12) Phil - "I Could Not Ask For More" by Edwin McCain. Phil's a Sailor/Navy dude! And a bad dad. Clay did it. Clay was better. Phil wasn't bad. But he wasn't Clay. He was just good. Not great. Not Clay. Clay was great. Phil wasn't. Randy thought it was the best vocal of the night. HUH??? Paula's grooving. Not really. Simon thought it was OK.

1. Blake
2. Chris S.
3. Chris R.
4. Brandon
5. Phil
6. Jared
7. AJ
8. Nick
9. Rudy
10. Sanjaya
11. Paul
12. Sundance

Knowing - HUH???

So, I saw that Knowing movie the other day, and all I can say is - HUH???

I mean, WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT???? I thought movies were supposed to make sense. Was I wrong?

It begins with a pretty nice storyline, but then just goes from bad to worse. And don't even get me started about the whole he's-not-talking-to-his-father thing. Or that terrible it's-just-like-they're-in-the-garden-of-eden anding bullshit. I mean, COME ON!

Just terrible. Seriously, terrible. And beware the whisper people!

And on an annoyed side note - what's with the sado-maso? I mean, the director/producer/editor/whatever must have had a HYOOGE pain fetish. Otherwise, how can you explan the numerous shots of people burning, people exploding, animals burning (ANIMALS!!!), and people being crushed to death by a subway train? HUH???

American Idol S06E10 - The Chair

You know the drill - The Elevator, The Walk, The Chair, The Decision.

Sanjaya's first. His last song was good. He's through. And doesn't quite know what to do. Anna's tall. And loud. She's not through. She's shocked. Bernard (who?) is not through. Eric (who?) and Tami are out too. Melinda ALWAYS looks terrified. Her last song was great. And she's through. She's shocked. Brandon's the other backup singer. His last song was good, as well. And he's through.

Gina's the one that was cut in Hollywood week last season. Her last song was good. She's not cut this time. She's through. She's shocked. Jimmy and Errick (WHO???) are out. Haley's next. Her first song in Hollywood wasn't great. She's through. Phil's the bad dad. His last song was good. The clothes SUCKED. But the singing was good. He's through.

The Simpsons Movie (that is AWESOME) is shamelessly plugged, as the top 40 (?) are getting a sneak preview of it. I think. Chris' FUNNY! LOL! "You guys are probably wondering why I called this meeting today...". LOL! His last song was very good. He's through. Blake's the beatboxer. We see that great group performance again. Or part of it. He's through. Thomas' also in that group, but he's out. Rudy (who?) is the last member of that group. His first song in Hollywood wasn't that good. He's through.

People are nervous. Paul's cool, calm and collected. He says he'll always be barefoot. That's already old. He's got filthy underwear too. Gross. His last song wasn't really good. Jordin's last song was good. And she's through. Olivia (who?), Tatiana and Monique are out. AJ (who?) is desperate. His last song wasn't bad. He's through. Stephanie (who?) had a good last song. She's through. Leslie (who?) also had a good-ish last song. And she too is through. Nick quit last year in Hollywood. His last song was good. He's through. And is overwhelmed.

Alaina cries ALL THE TIME. She's nervous. Her last song was good-ish. She effed the lyrics. She's through. Chris' first song was good. He's through. Sabrina (who???) had a good last song. She's through. Jerome (who?) is out. Joelle (who?) is out. Matt the cowboy's out. Princess (who?) is out. LaKisha's selling her sob story, that she's got a girl. Her last song was great. Even if she loked like a grandma. She's through.

Nicole (who?) is next. Her last song was good. She's through. Jared (WHO???) had a very good last song. He's through. Amy (WHO????) is next. Her last song was good too. She's through. Down to the last 2 guys and 2 girls. Antonella and Marisa are the last girls. Marisa's first song in Hollywierd was good. Antonella's last song wsa a mess of forgotten words. Antonella's through. Marisa's out. She's about to throw up. Marisa's crying. She curses. Sundance and Tommy have "fun" in the elevator. Sundance is red. He's through. Tommy's out. He gets pissed in the elevator.

The Top 12 Girls: Antonella Barba, Haley Scarnato, LaKisha Jones, Jordin Sparks, Stephanie Edwards, Melinda Doolittle, Alaina Alexander, Gina Glocksen, Amy Krebs, Leslie Hunt, Sabrina Sloan and Nicole Tranquilo.

The Top 12 Guys: Phil Stacy, Jared Cotter, Chris Richardson, Nick Pedro, Brandon Rogers, Sundance Head, Rudy Cardenas, AJ Tabaldo, Paul Kim, Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis, Sanjaya Malakar.

Raul Albiol! 18! Raul Albiol!

Well, after Kaka's HYOOOGE presentation, comes Raul Albiol's.

Sure, it wasn't the 50+ thousands that cam to see Kaka, but still, 8,000 or so is not a bad number, considering most stadium in Israel can't even hold that much.

The Spanish central defender chose the number 18, that used to belong to Ruben de la Red (and Faubert, but I really don't want to talk about him). Ruben's a good friend of Raul Albiol, who promised to keep that number safe until Ruben's expected return to the football field.

For those of you who don't know, Ruben, who was a huge promise, and one of the best potentials ever to come out of Real's youth system, passed out, 11 minutes into a cup game against Real Union last season. He has been out of action since, and has done more than enough medical exams and tests, to try and figure the cause of what happened to him. Unfortunately, no cause was found, yet, and Ruben will not be able to play football this up coming season. We all cross our fingers and hope and pray that he will be healthy, first and foremost, and if possible that he will return to play for Real, as soon as possible.

Back to the good news, and the next player to be presented should be Cristiano Ronaldo, if I remember correctly, and that will happen in 3 days' time.

American Idol S06E09 - Hollywood Week

In just one hour, we get all the tension/drama/excitment that is Hell Week (trademark pending). Seriously???

Day 1, and only the girls are performing, and there are 2 twice as many as the boys. Ryan explains how this day, and the next, will work. Jory, who's canadian's first. I'm unipressed. Next's Geri, Kelly, Lisa, Christen and Jeromishia. I kid you not, her name really is Jeromishia. None are more than ok. And they are all outta here! Shocker!

Perla's annoying. Like Gedeon last season. I hated him. I hate her. She does the same song she did in her audition. That sucks. Rachel's the one that talked to her hubby's picture. and she's alright. Rachel's outta here. Perla moves on. Simon rips at Perla. Rachel's depressed. Perla's depressed, too. Baylie's HOT! She's good. But what's up with the mediocrity overall? Ashlyn's out. Porcelana's out. Sarah's out. So are some others. Nicole's having problems with choosing a song. And she sucks. And she's out. And she blames the song. And the judges assure her mom it wasn't the song. HA! Simon's over this. They keep telling her it's not the song. And she keeps saying "the delivery of the song" bla bla bla. SHUT UP! Melinda, Jordin, Gina, Tatiana, Jamie Lin and others are through.

Day 2, and it's the guys' turn to face the judges. Brian's 19. Did you know he was 19? He is 19, just so you know. BTW, he's 19. What's with them recycling songs? Do something new, darn it! He's good. Jarrod's the Navy guy. He's a'ight. Matt's the one whose parents didn't support him. He's disticntly average. The Jarrod's out, Matt and Chris Sligh're through. 34 guys are through in total, amongst them are Blake the beatboxer, Nick that quit, bad dad Phil, and Jesus. I mean Castro. I mean Sean.

Group performances! YAY! Some drama ensues. I couldn't care less. Even if I tried, really, really hard. I will say however that Baylie and Antonella "not going to sleep", TOGETHER, is REALLY HOT! And that Amanda's a BEOTCH!

Simon warns everyone not to forget the words. HA! Some people forget the words. Well, DUH! Some more drama. Gina and Perla's group sing. Marisa is somewhat hot. Perla sucks. and she's out. The Chris/Rudy/Tom/Blake group performance was one of the better ones. EVER. And they are all through. L'Paige mumbles. Robyn's average. Sundace's just alright. He's loud. And red. And through. Antonella's alright. Baylie barely sings anything. Amanda forgets the words. But she's a bitch. Baylie's out. BUT SHE'S HOT! And Amanda thinks she's good. RIGHT. 36 people in all are going home, including Jesus/Osama/Fidel!

In room 1, Chris, Gina, Blake, Matt, Melinda, Paul and Haley and others. They're through. In room 2, Tami, LaKisha, Sundance and others, and they're through. Jordin's there. Room 3, with the Indian sister and Jamie Lin, is out. Sanjaya's REALLY sad. Next is The Chair (trademark pending, too).

American Idol S06E08 - The Best of the Rest Auditions

Some more people that will suck. Some more people that will rock. What's not to like?

Lessons! Woohoo! Lesson 1 - The Look. Some people look like CRAP! Christa's crazy. And she wears all kinds of fabrics, on all kind of places. Wierd. LOL! "Today you felt like the inside of a dustbin?". LOL! She, obviously, SUCKS. And she begs a little. And cries. And begs. But she's still not through. Tami's a paddy cab driver. WOW. She's SO lesbian. And she sing "Whipping Post". HA! She changes the lyrics, so as to not appear totaly lesbian. That version SUCKED, but she can sing. And she's through.

Lesson 2 - Seek Inspiration. Some people are inspired by former Idols. Others by some other singers. Paul Kim was inspired by the Hung. He wants to prove Asians really can sing. LOL! Awesome! He's a pool-boy. He can sing. The husky voice is distracting. And he's through. Jack's inspiration's Bo's "In a Dream". He SUCKS. And he sings about opening his eyes. With his eyes closed. Simon called him deluded. LOL. Lesson 3 - Don't Give Up. Somepeople audition after being rejected before. We saw one of the cowboys from last season. Gina was the dental assistant from last season who's in love with Simon. She's still good. Simon says she's got a good taste. She wants to hug him. And again, she's through. And she does hug him. LOL!

Some people love Simon. Some people hate Randy. A LOT of people love Paula. Edward's a crazy Paula fan. He's there to see her. He gets to hug her. Awww... He sucks, though. As long as he's happy. Some people work in different jobs. And we see what some of last year's finalists did before going on Idol. Lesson 4 - Audition On Your Own. 3 rollerskating waitresses, a la Kellie Pickler, are auditioning together. Heather's first. She's alright. Ashley's next. She's got a ton of make up on. She's alright. Ebony's next. And she's better. Marginally. Heather's not through. Paula tells Ashley she shouldn't wear that much make up. She disses her for being old. HA! She's through. Ebony's through too.

We are reminded of the sucky singles of the Idol winners. We get to hear some orginals in some auditions. Faithon SUCKS. Melissa SUCKS. Brandon's beatboxing's good. But it SUCKED. Wes' spooky. He SUCKS. And the hand gestures. Ugh. And the stomping. Ugh. Simon's confused. Lesson 5 - Shake Your Moneymaker? People dance. Poorly. Except for Matt Buckstein (he was on last season). He doesn't dance. And we see Alex. Whose dancing SUCKS. And he SUCKS. Weren't we promised some good auditions??? Simon's less than impressed. He's outta here! And he gets to hug Paula. And he shakes Randy's hand. Simon couldn't care less.

Lesson 6 - Clarity. And we get to guess what they are singing! Yay! I wouldn't have guessed the first. Or the second. Or the third. LaKisha's got a tiny baby girl. Whose 3 yr old. And she's awesome! And she's through. And she cries hugging her daughter. Awww...

I refuse to comment on the waste of time that was the recap of the auditions. WE JUST SAW THAT!!! But, next, it's Hell Week! Hollywood, here we come! 172 people will be there, only to be brutally cut down to just 24! Ha! This is going to be awesome! Was that Marlea? The first one ever to quit? Back in season 4? Huh???

American Idol S06E07 - San Antonio Auditions

Remember the Alamo? It was a long time ago. I'm not sure we would like to remember THIS Alamo...

SAN ANTONIO -

People came from all over the country. Simon's jet lagged. This first contestant's all about the HARD rock. Billy Idol? Seriously? Bryan SUCKS. And he banged his knees on the floor. OUCH. And he screams. He doesn't feel pain, apparently. Haley's a wedding band-er. Or formerly. Something. She shopped in a hoochie mama's shop. Or something. She sings the often sung "I Can't Make You Love Me" (Carrie's audition, Constance, plenty of others). She's good. She's through.

Jasmine's ready. I guess. The judges laugh. For no reason. Then she starts singing. Now they've got a reason to laugh. She sucks. And Randy and Simon do laugh. Jasmine looks pissed. And she ripps on Randy for not doing anything. LOL. Her mom says Simon needs to go back to "French". Or "British". LOL. Baylie's HOT! REALLY HOT! She's scared their horses will eat her. LOL. She's all about the fashion. She's NOT a country girl. She's good. And HOT! Simon calls her commercial with a capital C. SPOT ON. She's through. And the judges liked her name. LOL.

We are introduced to the doors to the auditions room. And a "horror/action/western/whatever" film, about people trying to open the right door. LOL! "AH, Push it!". LOL. Akron and William are cousins. LOL. Bruce and the Hulk. LOL. Violins. LOL. Hulk's first. He sucks. But he knows that. And he stages a fight with the judges, for the cameras. LOL! Bruce's next. And Akron's good. It's where LeBron's from! LOL... He's good. The second song was much better. And he's through.

LaRisa SUCKS. Deborah sucks. Sandie puts one finger in her right ear. I plugged both. She SUCKS! And she cries after Simon thought if it was serious. Awww. Ashlyn was beaten up in high school because she has a good voice. HUH??? Simon looks preplexed. She can sorta sing. Randy looks puzzled. They are put off by her facial expressions. They pass. Simon says he would have said yes. She cries. Simon thinks they made a mistake. So, of course, they bring her back in.

After the break, Ashlyn's back in the audition room. She still makes those faces. The other two, aka Paula and Randy change their minds, and she's through! I'm sure Simon did absolutely NOTHING to make/force them to do that. Jacob, nicknamed Jake the Snake, is next. He can't dance. He's influenced by Axl Rose and Kurt Cobain. Right. He sucks. And he goes berserk after he goes out. Well, not really, but you know. But he likes Ryan.

Jimmy sings the great song "Cupid". And, despite some wierd hand gestures, he's really good. Simon calls him a little fun Ruben. HUH??? He's through. Simon kept calling him Jimbo. LOL. And his little girl (?) doesn't know what to make of it. 22 total are through from Texas. Next, it's the rest of the rest show! Woohoo...

American Idol S06E06 - Los Angeles Auditions

LA! Woohoo! If people go through from LA, are they "going to" Hollywood, or are they "staying in" Hollywood? Huh? HUH??? HUH!?!!?!?!?

LOS ANGELES -

Kat! "Over the Rainbow"! Woohoo! Olivia Newton-John's going to guest judge in tonight's episode. Martik's crazy. Like, seriously, he lost his mind. He needs help. He, aside from being a tiger, believes he's the most entertaining person on the planet earth. He REALLY is crazy. And he took his shirt off. Of course. LOL at the cartoon noises. And he's got a "mic". WOW. He SUCKS, beyond any level humanly comprehensible. Hollywierd is right. Sholandric's name SUCKS. He wants to bring the romance andlove back into the music. RIGHT. He too is delusional. And he SUCKS, bit hairy kitty kat balls.

Angela sucks. Grace sucks. LOL at her outfit. Sophat SUCKS. His name does too. Marianna's desperate. She was wailing out of her mom's womb. And she sucks. Really, really bad. And she begs. Still begging. Still begging. Yep, still begging. That's right, she's still begging. And she keeps saying she's on her knees. WOW. She SUCKS. And she pushes her mom into the room. She still begs. Her mom begs too. WOW. Desperate, with a humongous capital D. WOW. Simon and Randy thought her mom was hot. Some people beg. Alaina's "life story" is one of a moron. But she's good a good voice, and can sing. "Feeling Good"'s NOT by the Buble, though.

Again, we are reminded Taylor won. And Phuong's his soul sistah. but it is SO fake. And she's excited about Taylor's PICTURE. WOW. And she SUCKS. And she can't dance. She REALLY SUCKS. She's REALLY obsessed with Taylor. And she was "nervous". She sucks. Brandon's a backup singer. He knows and sang backup for some big BIG names. So he's GOT to be good, right? RIGHT! He's very, VERY good. Simon says he and Brandon share the likeability factor. LOL. And he's through.

Brian already got to Hollywood, where he was shot down. He's here to bring it. And he's loud. But he's good. And through. Even though Simon couldn't remember him. Sherman's 64. His wife passed away. He does this for her. Awww... And they are going to let him sing. He's not bad. Paula's crying. He's never going through, but it was very nice of him. And he hugs/shakes everyone's hand. And he feels like a winner. Awww... 21 are through on day 1.

Darold and Cavett are dating, and are both auditioning. They met at THE bus stop. Cavett's STUPID. She likes to go by the name "Sparkles". And she SUCKS. And she completely flirts with Simon. Her boyfriend SUCKS. "please go away" is right. LOL! "Depends what kind of music we're listening to". LOL... MAKE THEM STOP KISSING! PLEASE!

Anthony SUCKS. But he's a good sport. Eric's been training for 2 years. If you really have to do that, you're probably not good enough. And he talks in wierd "sientific" terms. He SUCKS. LOL! He learned from the Paula and Randy DVD! LOL! Simon tries to get him back, Randy and Paula try to prevent it. LOL! In day 2, 19 went through, for a total of, A LOT. Relatively. Next, San Antoin!

American Idol S06E05 - Birmingham Auditions

Birmingham, AL! Home of the Ruuuuuuuuben, Bo and Taylor.

BIRMINGHAM -

Erica's first, and her southern accent is NOT cute, unlike Kellie's, or any other Idol finalist, EVER. She says Unchained Melody's by LeAnn Rimes. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She's not really good. It was actually painful. They tell her not to sing another one. She does. They scream. She keeps singing. Paula's astonished. She SUCKS. And not through. Some people cry for not making i tthrough. Katie's got a baby voice. It is REALLY annoying. I SERIOUSLY hope she sucks. Damn. She doesn't. But her singing voice is REALLY strange too. But she's good. Simon looks pissed, and REALLY hopes she doesn't get through. And she's through.

Tatiana's 17. She's good. And through. Siana's scary. And fat. And i don't now where her chest ends and her stomach starts. And she sucks.

Bernarnd's ok. Not special. He's through. Margaret's NOT 26. More like 50. And she's crazy. And she's Big Bird-like. I'm scared. LOL! When she tells the judges she's "26", Simon says he's 9, Paula's 11 and Randy's 10. Ha! And she SUCKS. LOL at Randy and Paula "digging" it. Simon looks puzzled. She's NOT 33. She IS 50.

Some people go through. Jamie Lee's HOT! She's got a "sad story". Her dad's paralyzed. Why is that, you ask? HE SHOT HIMSELF! AND, HE SHOT HIS EX! FOR CHEATING ON HIM! HE CAUGHT HER IN THE ACT! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! She's not great. But she's alright. And she's through. Chris Sligh's a funny dude! LOL! Xtina! HA! His interview bit was FUNNY! LOL! And he wants to make the Hasselhoff cry. LOL! ROFL! LMAO! And he's great! LOL! 16 from day 1 are through.

Paula's not with us today. Yay! Victoria's hair is 6 FEET LONG! WOW! Spooky... She's a "nice" person. They want to meet her mom, with the SLIGHTly shorter hair. Victoria doesn't suck, but she's not good, either. And she's not through. Lakia's name SUCKS. And she can't talk properly. And she SUCKS. It hurts. We see people being nice, despite their dreams being shattered. That's nice of them.

Some familys support some people. Team Nichole? Huh? Seriously? And Nichole cries. Almost. She's ok. Pretty good. Simon looks bored. The judges don't think she's ready. And she's outta here! Simon and Randy are "exhausted". And then came Brandy. She's crazy. Delusional. Stuid. Moronic. Idiotic. And she doesn't wear a bra. WHY OH WHY??? She SUCKS, big, hairy virgin balls. She thinks the floor's to blame. Maybe the carpet's to blame too. And she gets pissed. And she talks back. She needs to take some grammar lessons. She SERIOUSLY thinks she rocks. And she curses. That was amusing, her whole ranting as Simon and Randy go out, and then back in. "Sweet Home Alabama"! THAT SONG ROCKS! Next, LA! Hollywood!

American Idol S06E04 - New York Auditions

New York! The Big Apple! Suckiness ensues!

NEW YORK -

Carole Bayer Sager joins the judges panel for these auditions. Ian was on "So You Think You Can Dance?" season 2. And he got pissed after not going through. And he's cocky. And he's gay. "Benardo"? Not Bernardo, Benardo? He's dilusional. He's got 2 theraists. And each of them's got a couple too, I'm sure. He SUCKS. REALLY bad. And he gets pissed at Simon. And he gets escorted out. LOL. And he calls Simon a do-do bird. WOW. Sarah's cute. And she lied to her parents about going to audition. :0. And she cries. And she's good. Stupid song choice. But she's good. And she's through. She cries. And she's forced to call her dad. Her dad's not mad, he's intrigued. LOL.

Fania's greek. She can't dance. And she's retarded. And she's ugly. And she sucks. And she can't dance. Or sing. She sucks. She's fugly as heck. Ashanti's desperate. She got to Hollywood twice, but never made it to TV. And I don't understand how she's made it that far, and twice no less! She sucks. She's desperate. REALLY desperate. And she begs for ANYTHING good. And she's overly dramatic, as is proved by Ryan's little intro and the melodramatic music. GOD, I hate her... Even after that hour long speech, she sucks. And she's outta here. JUST GET OUT! STOP IT! SHUT UP! ARGH!!! AAAHHH!!!

Some people fall asleep, are awakened by someone with the camera close up, and are scared. LOL. Amanda and Antonella are BFF. Antonella's HOT! Amanda's not. They're annoying, together. Amanda's first, and they bring Antonella in too. And they're oh so nice to each other! And they sing a duet. That WAS a mess. Alone, Amanda's better, but still not all that. But she's good. Simon coudn't care less, but says yes. And she's through. Antonella's next. And she's better. And HOTTER! She's good. Did I mention she's HOT!? And she's through.

Someone plays harmonica. His name is Clifton. SERIOUSLY??? He likes to make people scream. And he sucks. And then he goes in the room. Simon cracks up at him. And then he sucks. He sings ZZ Top. SERIOUSLY??? He stomps. He SUCKS. And I LOVE that song! And he ruined it! He plays harmonica next. F-150? HUH? Phillip SUCKS. Someone in an astronaut suit? HUH? Josh's got green hair. William's unsure about his sex(uality). Kia? THAT'S A CAR!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! She's good. She ALWAYS agrees with Simon on the show. And she cries. And she's through.

Simon's not here, at least to start things off. Jenry's a WIERD spelling for Henry. He's good. Paula's hot for him. Carole FREAKS ME OUT! He's through. Nakia's CRAZY. She's not terrible. Not good. Not terrible. There's some wierd side-effect sort of sound to her voice. Either that or I'm hearing things. She's outta here. She's crying, and begging. And she doesn't know what being off-pitch means. The "lot of people" rooting for her is one girl. Sarah's crazy, too. And she SUCKS. She doesn't think she can sing, admits she's not a singer, but she still wants to be the American Idol, even though she can't sing. She's CRAZY!!!! Randy's speechless. And she keeps talking. And talking. And talking. Ugh. And then she screams, after getting out. And it was funny!

Simon decided to show up. Antonio SUCKS. And he's 47??? HUH??? Jory's a Canadian, and she's wearing a wheel rim plate sort of thing. The one you get in cheaper cars, that comes off easily. You know what i mean... And she can sing. And she's through. Porcelana's militant. RIGHT. She did get quite hot, though. And she can sing. And she's through. She's amazed. And hugs everyone. Sans Simon.

We get a FUCKED UP names montage. LOL. Christopher's COCKY! And he's somewhat similar to Simon. Looks wise. Not really, but kinda. He sings KELLY!?!?!?!? HE SUCKS!!!! And he sounds like a chick. What's with chicks sounding like dudes, and vice versa??? Simon looked pained. Paula and Simon "fight". Rachel's got a "special" look. She can sing. Wierd song choice, but she can sing. Simon's confused with which Rachel's the real Rachel. But she's through.

We get a montage of "All Night Long (All Night)". That sucked. Chris' from VA. And he's good. Too many runs. But he's good. Paula's hot for him. Simon thinks he can surprise them in the next rounds. And he's through.

Some people SUCK. Nick quit in Hollywood last season, after forgetting the lyrics. He's good. And through.

Isadora's name SUCKS. She sucks. She's delusional. She moans. She doesn't sing, she moans and grunts. SHE SUCKS!!! UGH!!! ARGH!!! And again with the damn bracelets! ARGH!!! Next we go to the hometown of Ruben, Bo AND Taylor!

American Idol S06E03 - Memphis Auditions

Just an hour long episode today. YAY!

MEMPHIS -

Home of Elvis! And, why not, Elvis impersonators. Of course. 20? 30 doughnuts? LOL. The first dude cheers. And he's got a whole cheer squad behind him. MAN, they're annoying. Frank's his name. Too theatrical and over the top. But he can sing. Simon called it over the top, corny, cabaret. He tries, futilly, to change his mind. They're nice to him, but he's not through. And they cheer outside. And they lift Ryan. LOL. And they're annoying. And Simon's annoyed. "Uh, not being rude, but can you shut up?". LOL. And Ryan cursed! HA!

Timika's BORING. She looks like shit, too. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm. She can't speak properly. And she SUCKS. And incomprehensible. She SUCKS! Big, black (?), Mya balls. She asks to sing another song. Simon says it's pointless. She asks again. And then just sings. She SUCKS. Chris' COCKY. And he sucks. And he sounds like the Taylor look-a-lik from the last episode. Alexis' another African-American girl that no one can possibly understand. She sucks. And the bracelets. ARGH! Sundance? SUNDANCE??? WTF??? His dad's Roy Head, who had a number 1 song being knocked off by the Beatles' "Yesterday". WOW. Does anyone think that beards like that are appealing, IN ANY WAY? He can REALLY sing. The judges're blown away. And he's through. Simon's making a bold, or maybe not so much, prediction. And he said he blew Taylor out the park. WOW. Someone's hating on the Soul Patrol!

Wandera SUCKS. Well, not really. But she's not really good in any way. She's outta here. Simon calls her babe. She gets pissed and throws a tantrum. Some people don't get through. Travis loves EVERYONE! He said emotion(al) about 50 times. The song SUCKED! And hescked too. Danielle is sorta good. She's already got TERRIBLE hand gestures. She's through.

Some people love Paula. Topher thinks Paula's hot. His wife has been cheating him. And they broke up recently. Simon, being his usual thoughtful self, asks Topher why his wife left him. Topher says something along the lines of "...cause she's a bitch...". LOL. He sucks. He's not through, OBVIOUSLY. But he's happy he cursed his ex on national TV. Cleavage Alert! AAAHHH!!! MY EYES!!! Janita SUCKS!!!!!!! Sean looks like Osama Bin-Laden/Jesus/Castro/a homeless. Take your pick. He's even got the only one message that could actually fit all four: "We are all poor, inside. We are all homeless". Deep. And he sings about God. Of course he did. And he's good! And he's through! And Randy says, and again, I quote: "It don't matter how you look, dude, you can blow!". SERIOUSLY???

Melinda's a professional backup singer. And she's cute, in a non-sexual way. And she's BRILLIANT! She's shocked they tell her she's awesome. CUTE! ADORABLE! And she's through. Well, DUH! Elvis! Yeah, not really. Robert's delusional. And he's quite incomprehensible. And dumb. And yeah, you guessed it, he sucks, too. He's shocked that they tell him he sucks. we see some people "dance" to and "sing" "Burning Love". Terrible. Did her REALLY pull a towel from his pants' zipper? REALLY???

Phil missed the birth of his 3rd baby. BAD DAD! That "last thing she wants to hear" thing was funny! And he's not half bad. Not great, but not bad! Pretty good, actually. The judges "fight". He's through. 23 total go through. And we see a video of the Idol baby of the bald dude. Nest stop - NYC!

American Idol S06E02 - Seattle Auditions

Seattle! Woohoo! This is going to SUCK! It was wet. And rainy.

SEATTLE -

Jimi Hendrix ROCKS! Brandon's another one of those Apollo Creed like things. HE's the one that MURDERED the Sheriff last season? GOD he sucks. LOL! UNDERcover. He still SUCKS. LOL at Paula's next season comment. Ha! Jennifer's as ugly a "girl" as I've EVER seen. Hotness? She doesn't get sarcasm, does she? She SUCKS. She's an IDIOT. And she keep singing, even though Simon and the others are screaming at her. She curses.

Simon says no to a lot of people. Amy's NOT 23. I don't care what she says. She gonna "try" and sing. She failed. She sucks. LOL! Lie in a bath... LOL! Simon screams at her. LOL. Some people suck. Darwin's a girl. SERIOUSLY. Even though she doesn't really look like one. And she's boring as FUCK. And she thinks she's all that and then some. I am seriously freaked out by her. And her mom, who looks like her twin. She's got about a ton of lipstick on. Her mom's REALLY boring too. I am SERIOUSLY FREAKED OUT. I need to rinse my eyes with soap after that audition. Simon's not being rude, so all is well in the world. I am SERIOUSLY FREAKED OUT! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It rains. Again. Or still.I'm not sure. Some people don't get through. Tommy's got a fro. And he's cocky as SHIT! He already auditioned twice, and FAILED. Now his name's Thomas. And he's good. And he's through. And as he celebrates with his family, Ryan gets stuck with the tiny dog. LOL! And Simon LUV's the dog! Melissa, that goes by Carlene, is a BIT overweight, and she should NEVER dress herself. NEVER. EVER. Simon looks shocked. And Randy gives her a running start to "Baby Got Back", and she takes the reins, and lets it rip. LOL. She SUCKS. On her audition song, not Sir Mix-A-Lot's. The dog outside looks worried. And after she leaves, Simon keeps talking about her "net" clothes.

A ton of girls fix their hair. Blake doesn't need to. He's a beatboxer. He's the champion here. He beatboxes, and Simon's not impressed. His song choice SUCKED, but he can sing. Simon doesn't think he's as good as he thinks he is. He's through. His dad's proud and crying.

Some people suck. David looks like JPL's long lost GEEK brother. He SUCKS. The Malakars girl, whose name is too tough to spell, is cute! And her brother looks like MY brother! Only Indian! LOL! The cute one's first, and she's good! She's through. And Simon called the other 2 Squidly and Diddly. LOL. And the cute one said she would have been shocked if Simon jumped out of his chair. LOL! Sanjaya's next. He thinks his sister's better. And he's good too! Paula's high. Simon thinks he's a LOT better than his sis. And he's through too! And he doesn't want to say who the judges say was better, and his sister looks PISSED!

Nick Zitzmann is a shame, for all Jewish people out there. I think he's Jewish. With a name likethat, you can't assume otherwise. And he SUCKS. and he hasn't even gotten in the room yet! He's as dorky as they come.He's a leader, and that makes him the next American Idol. He's DULL. He SUCKS. Like, on Keith levels. SERIOUSLY. His look is fixated on a spot about a foot over the judges' heads. HE SUCKS! AND THEY DON'T STOP HIM! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Simon said it was almost non-human. I would have just left after that. But he had to listen to the dawg first! Simon's still shocked. And when he goes out and "talks" with Ryan, we learn that Ryan can actually be funny! Almost no one is through! Will Rudy change it? He's Venezuelan. He sings Journey, FOR Randy. But wasn't Paula in Journey? OH, RIGHT! It was Randy! He's good. And Simon says no. Paula says yes. Randy DOES love the song. And he says yes too. And he's through. "Bad Day"'s here agan! Some people talk back to Simon. LOL at him giving the finger. LOL. Will day 2 be any better? Ryan says, and i quote, "Hell no!". Shit...

It's sunny, at least for a while. Kenneth and Johnathan are the wierder incarnation of Adam and Dirk. Kenneth's first. He says he's been compared to Timberlake, Lance (?), and some boy bands. He SUCKS. So maybe these two are the suckier version of Adam and Dirk? It's going to be tough, but I really think they can do it! Simon says he looks like a bushbaby. LOL! He's outta here. I hope they don't bring him back to the finale. As he's talking with Ryan, the judges laugh their asses off about the bushbaby. LOL! Jonathan looks like a nice guy. He SUCKS, but he looks like a nice guy. He really sucks. But he's nice. And so chubby! Well, at least they have each other!

Some people SUCK. It's painful. Eric is the first ever Taylor Hicks look-a-like/impersonator. He's a hair dresser. He's stupid. And quite boring. LOL! "Yeah, you know, I try to shower, and stuff, this morning...". LOL. He SUCKS. LOL... "Age: 28 ???". Simon doesn't think he's serious. He tries to cut Simon's hair. Security jumps him. LOL. Some people tell Ryan he's short. Anna's REALLY tall. 6' 4"! Or is it 6" 4'? She's SO much taller than Ryan! LOL! She's gonna move around. Damn. But she can sorta sing. She does have one of the better schticks. Ever. Something's gotten over Paula and Randy. They make wierd growling noises as Simon's trying to make a point. He just gives up, and stops caring for the moment. LOL. She's through, BTW. LOL! "You just put through a giraffe". LOL!

Jordin's got a strange name. She's 16 and her mom says she's singing her WHOLE life! And she's good! Real good! Simon mumbled something about her being one of the best, I think, while she was still singing. Her dad's Phillippi Sparks! Simon's got no clue who that is! LOL! And she's through. Just 8 from day 2 move on. We get a craptacular montage of "Don't Cha".

Steven Thone. Big Red. REALLY??? X-Files music in the background and all... I AM SCARED... REALLY, REALLY SCARED. He thinks he's as good as Freddie Mercurey. Right... And to prove it, he's gonna sing Bohemian Rhapsody. THE WHOLE THING. And he sounds like a baby girl. LOL! HE SUCKS!!!! ROFLMAO! They all laugh. Big Red starts cursing. And tells Simon to bring it on. He doesn't make sense. I am all spooked. THAT'S IT! FINALLY! Next, Memphis, TN!

American Idol S06E01 - Minneapolis Auditions

Another season of the Idol's upon us! And we start, where else, but in the long and arduous auditions process. First stop - Minneapolis, MN!

First is the obligatory "And the winner is..." of last season. Like we didn't see it. And then it's the obligatory "This really does work" thing. "Baba O'Riley"! Great song!

MINNEAPOLIS -

And a reminder that the one that used to go by the name Prince performed in the finale last season. That, they tell us, is the reason we start in the MN, in his hometown. Right... Randy drops a name. IN HIS FIRST SENTENCE OF THE SEASON! And Jewel is going to be a guest judge. How did she get to a name like Jewel?

Jessica's "Jewel's biggest fan". And she's a make-up artist. And she wants to inspire people. And she cries. And she takes a while to get started. And she sucks. Big bling-bling family "Jewel"s. Ha! Randy: "No, no, no, no, no, no, no". She's shocked. She cries.

Troy's got no sense of style. He's never seen AI. He sucks, big old-style amish balls. Some people suck. Jesse's incomprehensible. He SUCKS. He asks to get water, doesn't wait an answer, and leaves the room. He drinks. He returns. He still SUCKS. Even Paula's puzzled. Simon: "Why do you think we're looking for a 2 year old that can't sing?". LOL! And the "four" was funny too!

Someone's dressed as "Apollo Creed". I guess. Charles' the name, sucking's the name. He can kinda sing, but as the girl named Stevie proved last season, there's no room for operatic singers on Idol. Simon goes all tantrum about the outfit. Denise is a crack baby. She told us. No one asked her. No one wanted to know. She's loud. And she can sing. She's REALLY loud. She's through, after Simon showers her with love.

There's a "funny" health problem infomercial. That sucked. Tashawn's a wierd name for a girl. She doesn't know English. She doesn't know the lyrics. She SUCKS. And she continues to SUCK. And then she SUCKS some more. And then more. She SUCKS. She's through! Just kidding. She SUCKS. She's outta here! A chick flirts with Ryan, but calls him kinda short. That can't help her chances... Perla? What's up with all these fucking names? She's homeless. I think. She calls Simon Simone. LOL. She can sorta sing. Then she sings Shakira, and that's much MUCH better. She's through.

So far, no guy's gone through. A "cowboy"'s gonna be next. He's dull. He says Carrie didn't have the look he does. You mean, a good look? He sucks, bug hairy horsie balls. Randy and Jewel are mean. He's delusional (the cowboy). Kah'reem, is that supposed to be after Abdul Jabbar? He sucked. So did Alex. Jarrod's "In the Navy", but for real! He sings something Carrie sang, during her season. And he's alright. He's through.

Rakel's a wierd spelling for a normal name. She sucks. Trista barks. Or something. That's so wierd! She sucks, though. So she's outta here! Simon's speechless. Stephen's a vocal coach. He should be good, right? He's got a pitch pipe. He SUCKS, bit astroid balls. Randy's shaking his head. His falsetto's TERRIBLE! Randy's REALLY mean for him. Stephen keeps on about telling stories. Simon adds fuel to the fire. LOL! He really does suck. Really, REALLY bad. That argument was LONG.

Michelle's pretty. The start was horrible. The rest wasn't bad. She's through. The best thing about it, for her, is that she can quit her job. Some people quit to go audition. Dana's boss is a moron. Simon and Randy think she does special things for her boss. LOL. She kinda sucks. The falsetto SUCKED. She sucks. They want to meet her boss. She sings to her boss. They've got to be getting frisky every once in a while. She's outta here. And the judges keep talking about who's in love with who in that relationship. Matt's got a "sad" story. We now that because there's sad music in the background. He's kinda OK. He's through. He's got a HYOOGE mosquito bite on the tip of his nose. LOL...

Rachel's got army uniform on, but she worked in her family's body shop. Huh? Oh... She's in the army reserves. The song SUCKED. She's good. Something's strange, but she's good. She's through. She loves Simon. And his personality. Odd. And she talks to a picture of her husband. LOL. Sarah's good. A bit theatrical, but good. She's through.

There are a couple of STUPID ASS people left. One's a crazy Idol stalker. And the other's a juggler. Jason juggles. He SUCKS. Simon says even the juggling's pathetic. And it is. Randy's plugging a different show. And again. He can't dance, either. He's outta here. And he throws a fit. He gets pissed, and he curses, and he cries. He REALLY cries. Brenna looks scared shitless. And she's next. She's creepy. She's a superfan, and her favorite contestant's Ace? Seriously? She said "Under Pressure" is by Bowie and Freddie Mercury? SERIOUSLY? And she SUCKS. Big, hairy, Idol-super-fan balls. I'm sure she's got a couple. She's stupid, too. She's about to cry. And she's outta here. She doesn't cry, though.

We see a TERRIBLE Prince montage, from people that SUCK! LOL! "Prince will never be on this show, again...". LOL! Josh's a rocker, and his dad would have rather if he went to the NHL. Right. He sings Fuel. He has a punk-grunge sort of gravely voice. But he can kinda sing. Simon tells him to go back later and sing ABBA. LOL. And he scrambles to learn one. And he learns "Dancing Queen". LOL. And he sounds EXACTLY the same. The thing Chris did, every once in a while, was NOT rock. He's got a band. Simon's right. And he's not through. I kinda feel bad for him. I like rock! He goes back to his band. He then cries. Awww... Simon kissed Paula, Jewel AND Randy on the mouth. Gross. Just 17 are through from MN. Come on! Next, Seattle!

American Idol S05 - The Aftertaste

Aftertaste? wha? Yeah, I'm really struggling to find new after-somthing's...

Melissa McGhee, the one that somehow won pageants - Didn't really do anything, actually. Performed at several places for a while after she was eliminated, but that soon came to a stop.

Kevin Covais, Chicken Little! - He's gone acting! Was in "College", and did a fabulous job, if I may add. Go watch! Will also appear in Ghost Whisperer, and a TV-film called Labor Pains, with Lindsay Lohan. Go Kev!

Lisa Tucker, "the best 16 year old we ever had" - She too has gone the acting way. An OC cameo, a series regular on Zoey 101 and The Suite Life On Deck, and appearances in 90210 and The Game, as well as two movie roles.

Mandisa, the overly preachy big girl - She's gone all christian/gospel in her music. 4 albums in that genre, the first of which got to number 1 in the Hot Christian Albums chart. Seriously! Also had 9 singles, the first one got to number 1 in the Singles Sales chart. Seriously! And she's had a Grammy nomination, again for gospel/christian something, but didn't win.

Bucky Covington, the country "boah" that no one understood - Hs first album hit number 1 in the Country Albums chart, and 3 singles were released from it, going to numbers 6, 11 and 10 on the Country Singles chart, respectively. A second album is in the works, and a single was a lready released from it. He was also in a movie!

Ace Young, the one that appealed to girls, so I didn't get him - Did all sorts of things, and released an album. Also had 2 singles.

Kellie Pickler, the cute girl that was all too overwhelmed by everything - She actually turned out to be a good country singer! Had two albums, both topping the Country Albums chart AND reaching number 9 on the Billboard 200, 5 singles and was nominated to 2 CMA's, 2 ACM's, and 5 CMT's, and she won 3 of the latter.

Paris Bennett, the one with the REALLY different singing and talking voices - Had an album, that didn't do all that well, and 3 singles. Kevin Covais rapped on a track in that album. SERIOUSLY! She's now working on her 2nd album.

Chris Daughtry, the rocker that was so much better than the rest - His band, Daughtry, with the others members of it being picked by his label, had an album, and are about to release a second one. The one released, called Daughtry, topped the Billboard 200 chart, sold 5.5 million units worldwide, and had 7 singles released from it, getting as high as number 4 in the Hot 100. A track from the upcoming album has been released as a single, and has so far peaked at number 15, again on the Hot 100. Has won 3 AMA's and 6 Billboard Music Awards.

Elliott Yamin, the nice jewish boy that has diabetes and is practically deaf in one ear - 2 albums, one certified gold, and 9 singles, one that got to 13 on the Hot 100 and was certified platinum.

Katharine McPhee, the one Simon thought would win it all - An album, 2 on the Billboarrd 200, and 5 singles. Had a cameo in Ugly Betty, landed a role in The House Bunny, and another lowbudget production, and appeared in a CSI:NY episode (as was Chris, but not in the same one).

Taylor Hicks, SOUL PATROL! and the one that actually won it - Had an album that went platinum, and another recently released, as well as a compilation album of his earlier work. 5 singles, the frst of which topped the Hot 100.

That's it, I think. It is worth mentioning that of the 12 finalists, 9 have recording deals and have released albums, and 6 semi-finalists and 3 that didn't even make it that far have recording deals as well.

American Idol S05 - The Idol Awards

It's that time of the year. Again.

The Golden Idol - "Hemorrhage (In My Hands)". It was just THAT good...

The Silver Idol - "Over the Rainbow". Yeah. Good times.

The Manure Idol - "Copacabana". Remember that poor SOB? And how much he sucked?

The Justin Award - Since SOMEONE's gotta win, this'll go to Ace. I just didn't get him. Mandisa can get the consolation prize.

The Kelly Award - Tough one this season. Eventually, it was decided, by me, that Chris is this year's winner!

The Tamyra Award - Again, a VERY tough one. It basically goes to anyone cut before Kevin and Kellie. and also to Elliott and Chris. Kat should have gone, instead of Chris. And then it would have been a free for all in the Top 3.

The McKibbin Award - Again, though. But I'll give it to Kevin, Kellie and Kat. They can share it.

The MFM Award - My oh my. This was a funny season! Kellie's numerous misunderstandings and mispronounciations, Crazy Dave, his fall off the stage in the finale, and the look on the Clay wannabe's face when he realised Clay was standing next to him at the finale. Also, Kevin's playing along to the whole sex symbol things was LOL-at-ish.

The MIRWHTDB Award - Kevin and Kellie! Chris gets a small one, I mean he did do very well... Bucky's honorable mention.

The Saddest Moment Award - Any time either Kat's dad, Elliot's mom or Elliot himself cried. Those poor people!

I think that's enough... I dunno...

American Idol S05E41 - Top 2: The Finale Results

2... 1! 1! 1! Who will it be? WHO? WHO!!!!

We start with Carrie! YAY FOR CARRIE! She sings with Taylor and Kat, a song called "Through the Rain", by Mariah Carey, I think. And they are joined by the rest of the Top 12. They are all in all-whites.

Ben Stiller and Heather Locklear are in the audience. We ARE live. 200 million are watching, Ryan tells us. And he wastes some time. We get a video of Randy saying dude a lot of times. And hot. And dawg. And wow. He's here, and he's all pimped out wit da suit. A Paula video's next. And we get proof of the drugs. Real proof. Then it's a Simon video, or as Ryan said, The Ego Has Landed. He does all sorts of wierd stuff with his fingers. And hands. Odd. And he's sporting a cleavage tonight. Great...

We go to Birgminham, AB. The O'Donohue TWINS are here! HAWT! There are thousands of grey haired people there. Next, to Here, Here, Universal Studios. Tamyra's thee, and she looks FINE.

Paris is the first to sing, and she does so with Al Jarrea, singing "We're in This Love Together" by Al Jarreau. Mr. Al's Vocal gymnastics get tired, REAL fast.

Chris performs with Live, the band. They have a bald lead singer. Chris' bald too. LOL. They sing "Mystery" by Live, and it's totally awesome. Chris is still great, for those of you that weren't sure. All three of you.

Kellie meets Wolfgang Puck. HA! LOL! ROFL! She looks AWESOME! She's going to eat something posh. She's going to eat escargot. Gross! She's grossed out! And she doesn't believe people actually eat it. LOL! And Wolfgang tries to pronounce Albemarle. LOL!

Meat Loaf is next, and he performs "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion . Meat Loaf's REALLY over the top. The choreography and "acting" SUCKED!

We get a retrospective be Ryan, and the Golden Idols awards are announced! Because, well, the show hasn't won any REAL award... First, the Outstanding Female Vocals. The nominees all SUCK. One is delusional, one's the TAN girl, and one's the girl who thought she sounded like aretha. And the last one wins it, and Ryan makes a funny comment about the humiliation of the suckers! lol! Outstanding Male Vocalist. One did all the fingers stuff, one sweated a lot, and could sing in 3 pitches, and one's Crazy Dave. Crazy Dave wins it, hands down. And he sang Meat Loaf! LOL! And he won! And HE'S HERE! LOL! He runs around the stage, AND FALLS OFF OF IT! LOL!

Back to Puck 'n' Pick. LMAO! She jumped when they brought the live lobsters. LOL! And then Puck scared her! LOL!

The guys are "Taking Care of Business", by BTO, complete with a harmonica solo by Taylor. Then it's "Tobacco Road". Taylor still plays harmonica. LOL at Chicken Little with the deep-voiced "Tobacco Road". LOL! "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac's next. Very good fun! Taylor can really play the harmonica, REALLY well!

FORD! "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac, again. We get a summary of the various Ford commercials, and some outtakes. lol! And Kat and Tay are getting a Ford Convertible Mustang, each!

Another Golden Idol - Proudest Family Moment. The nominees are Elliot's mom, Kat's dad, Chris' wife. And the winner is Elliot's mom! She introduces Elliot, who singing "One" by U2, with Mary J. Blige. We caught a glimpse of the teleprompter. And another! It's not as much a duet, as it is two singers, each singing a different part, and at the end singing together. But it was good! I LOVE U2!

CARRIE'S HERE! She sings "Don't Forget to Remember Me", by herself! I LOVE HER! She looks TERRIFIC! And she sounds great. But you already knew that. She looks GORGEOUS!

Someone gets a Jackson Award. it's the FATASS that hated on Paula. With the silver tubetop! I HATE HER! Ryan says she is "working" tonight. LOL! And we get her response to geting the award. Laughable. Somewhat amusing.

Taylor's next. He sings "In the Ghetto" with Toni Braxton. It was very nice. Thought Toni sounded like a dude. I dunno.

The Girls are next! "Man! I Feel Like a Woman", "Trouble" by Elvis, "I'm A Woman" by Bette Midler, "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman", "I'm Every Woman". NICE!

Some more Golden Idols. Best Impersonation - a Cher one, a Jacko one, a Clay one (the one that had to pee). And the Clay one wins. And he's there to accept his award. He's going to sing. WHY??? He looks BUTT UGLY when he sings. And Clay walks in behind him! LOL! And he makes the most annoyed face EVER looking at the imitation. LOL! And the imitator's shocked. And Clay sings. I like the new hair on the Clayken. And they sing together. "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me". Either they closed the sucky one's mic, or Clay's just THAT much more powerful, vocally. Me thinks the sucky one's in love with the awesome one. That was really cool!

A Burt Bacharach tribute , featuring Burt on piano! Cool! "What the World Needs Now is Love"- Taylor, Kat. Ace and melissa are singing "The Look of Love". Kellie sings "I'll Never Fall In Love Again". Bucky sings "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head". LOL! Mandisa's backed up by Lisa, Kellie and Paris on "I Say a Little Prayer". Lisa sings "Alfie"? Huh? Elliott, which i just noticed I misspelled his name ALL SEASON LONG, sings "A House is Not a Home", BRILLIANTLY, if I may add. Kevin sings "What's New Pussycat?". ROFL! CUTE! LOL! And Kellie Paris and Lisa do a little funny routine behind the piano. NICE! Chris and Ace join him, and they're singing "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)". Paris sings "Close to You". Dionne Warwick is in da house! She sings "Walk On By". AWESOME! "That's What Friends Are For" closes the medley, and everyone joins Dionne on it. AWESOME!

This is turning out to be quite the awesome finale, even though i couldn't care less who actually won!

Golden Idol time! Best Male Bonding. Ace and Chris hugging when Ace makes it to the Top 24, to the sounds of some grunts and moans. Ryan and Taylor, laying on the floor. And Brokenote Mountain. Garet! yay! Matthew! Michael! And Brokenote won! And they're here! And they sing! "Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys". LOL! That was actually very good! I liked it!

We are entering the results portion of the show. That means about an hour more to go! AND PRINCE IS IN DA HOUSE! Or the Artist Formerly Known as Prince. I don't know which. Never can tell the difference. He sings "Lolita". Shocker! Then he sings "Satisfied". The two chicks practically making out is hot! And the performance is great!

Taylor and Kat sing "(I've Had) The Time of My Life". Weel, they have to do a duet. And it was a good one, too!

On to the results! 63.4 MILLION VOTES! WOW! And... TAYLOR WINS! SOUL PATROL! David Hasselhoff's NEARLY crying. Not quite. The only thing Taylor wants ot say to his fans is SOUL PATROL!!! And Taylor sings about asking if we're proud of him now. And we get the confetti and fireworks. And WHOOO's. And thankyou's to everyone.

American Idol S05E40 - Top 2: The Finale

2... 2! It's here! The finale's here!

We are live, if you were wondering. Like we didn't know that, already, and have known that for the past 2 monthes. Randy advises them to leave it all on the line. Paula tells them to pick the right songs. Simon thinks they should pray the other one fumbles the words.

We see Kat AND Taylor's journeys on Idol. We are reminded Simon said no to Tay, and that he thought he won't be put in the top 24. And I remember Simon said Kat was the one that will win it all, all the way back in January-ish. Soul Patrol? McPheever? Just sing well...

Chris is IN DA HOUSE! So is Bucky, but no love for him!

Round 1 - Song Already Performed

1) Katharine - "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" by KT Tunstall. Usually, reprise performances don't hold a candle to the original one. This should be no exception. She's not squatting/sitting on the floor this time. Thankfully. And, as expected, it was good, but not as good as the original. Randy thinks she looked like she had fun. He also thinks she sang it better than her first time around. Paula rambles. Simon gives it a good, with a small g. He says the occasion is bigger than the song. The McPhans and Kat Pack sent her like a 1000 roses. Nice of them.

2) Taylor - "Living for the City" by Stevie Wonder. The pink velvet (?) suit top was HIDEOUS! The performance, I think, was actually better than the original performance, amazingly enough. At the very least, it was at the same level the one he did for Stevie week. Paula's screaming and clapping. Randy loves he doesn't care about the song, and lets us know that's a hawt one right there. Paula mumbles, and screams to the audience. Simon jokes the audience hates him. He thought it was a great way to start the show, great performance, worst jacket ever, and round 1 goes to him. I concur.

First Round Winner: Taylor

Round 2 - Another Song Already Performed

1) Katharine - "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Judy Garland. Her best performance was in the Top 3, singing this, but that was only a week ago, and she's gonna sing it again? Why? And it's an identical copy. Without the surprise effect. It was good. REALLY good. But not as good as when she first sang it. Her dad cries. Obviously. Randy tries to talk, but the audience doesn;t let him. He was worried about doing the song again, but thinks she worked it out and that it was hot. Paula rambles. Simon says, after being slaughtered in round 1, she outperformed herself, and that that was her best performance in the competition. She rambles about not hearing the key n the earpiece, and still being able to start on the right key, in the a capella. CUTE!

2) Taylor - "Levon" by Elton John. PROBABLY his best performance in the competition was the first time he sang this. Probably. Again, not as good as the first time he sang it, but REALLY really good. Randy liked the song, but, to keep it real, it was a little pitchy for him, this time. Paula rambles. She's REALLY stupid. Simon says Paula doesn't make any sense. And he thinks Kat's taken the second round. I dunno. I guess.

Second Round Winner: Katharine

Round 3 - Original Song

COCA COLA! Kat, as a child, heard scales going up and down. And her mom thinks she was born to do this.

1) Katharine - "My Destiny". WOW, that song sucked. BIG TIME. And the choir's back! yay... When she really belted the high notes, she was, as she usually is, screechy. the softer parts were sort of OK, but overall, it's like she ran a marathon, was first, by a mile or so, got to within an inch of the finish line, and then just collapsed/decided to have a couple of hours worth of a nap. No one's sure which. Randy's got 3 things for her. She looks amazing (she does). She sounded really good (maybe, for some...). The song sucked. Paula rambles. Simon thinks she went from brilliant to quite good, with one song. He advises the Kat voters to remember her 2nd song.

COCA COLA! Taylor just picked up a harmonica and started playing. No training whatsoever. DUDE! Awesome!

2) Taylor - "Do I Make You Proud". Wow. These original songs are some of the crappiest shit, EVER. To me, it was just ever so slightly better than Kat's original piece of shit. The song was marginally less sucky too. That's not really fair. Randy thought the song was slightly better, and loves that Taylor knows who he is. I know who I am... Paula Rambles and talks some nonsense. Simon thinks he has just won American Idol. Not Simon. Taylor. We are reminded by Ryan that Simon passed on Taylor n his first audition. LOL. That's GOT to earn him some more votes!

Third Round Winner: Taylor, by about this much.

Overall Winner: Taylor, by about this much.

And Daniel Powter's live! And he does, what else, "Bad Day". I kinda like this song... In the background we see a recap of the season.

Kaka! 8! Kaka!

He's here! Finally!

The player known worldwide as Kaka was presented today in the Santiago Bernabeu, in front of 40,000 (!!!) fans, and 500 journalists.

The Brazilian phenomenon, nicknamed O Galactico, The Galactic, a reference to the Galacticos of Perez's previous era in Real, will wear the number 8 for the next 6 season, at least.

YAY! I'M HAPPY! WOOHOO!