Remember the Alamo? It was a long time ago. I'm not sure we would like to remember THIS Alamo...
SAN ANTONIO -
People came from all over the country. Simon's jet lagged. This first contestant's all about the HARD rock. Billy Idol? Seriously? Bryan SUCKS. And he banged his knees on the floor. OUCH. And he screams. He doesn't feel pain, apparently. Haley's a wedding band-er. Or formerly. Something. She shopped in a hoochie mama's shop. Or something. She sings the often sung "I Can't Make You Love Me" (Carrie's audition, Constance, plenty of others). She's good. She's through.
Jasmine's ready. I guess. The judges laugh. For no reason. Then she starts singing. Now they've got a reason to laugh. She sucks. And Randy and Simon do laugh. Jasmine looks pissed. And she ripps on Randy for not doing anything. LOL. Her mom says Simon needs to go back to "French". Or "British". LOL. Baylie's HOT! REALLY HOT! She's scared their horses will eat her. LOL. She's all about the fashion. She's NOT a country girl. She's good. And HOT! Simon calls her commercial with a capital C. SPOT ON. She's through. And the judges liked her name. LOL.
We are introduced to the doors to the auditions room. And a "horror/action/western/whatever" film, about people trying to open the right door. LOL! "AH, Push it!". LOL. Akron and William are cousins. LOL. Bruce and the Hulk. LOL. Violins. LOL. Hulk's first. He sucks. But he knows that. And he stages a fight with the judges, for the cameras. LOL! Bruce's next. And Akron's good. It's where LeBron's from! LOL... He's good. The second song was much better. And he's through.
LaRisa SUCKS. Deborah sucks. Sandie puts one finger in her right ear. I plugged both. She SUCKS! And she cries after Simon thought if it was serious. Awww. Ashlyn was beaten up in high school because she has a good voice. HUH??? Simon looks preplexed. She can sorta sing. Randy looks puzzled. They are put off by her facial expressions. They pass. Simon says he would have said yes. She cries. Simon thinks they made a mistake. So, of course, they bring her back in.
After the break, Ashlyn's back in the audition room. She still makes those faces. The other two, aka Paula and Randy change their minds, and she's through! I'm sure Simon did absolutely NOTHING to make/force them to do that. Jacob, nicknamed Jake the Snake, is next. He can't dance. He's influenced by Axl Rose and Kurt Cobain. Right. He sucks. And he goes berserk after he goes out. Well, not really, but you know. But he likes Ryan.
Jimmy sings the great song "Cupid". And, despite some wierd hand gestures, he's really good. Simon calls him a little fun Ruben. HUH??? He's through. Simon kept calling him Jimbo. LOL. And his little girl (?) doesn't know what to make of it. 22 total are through from Texas. Next, it's the rest of the rest show! Woohoo...
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