American Idol S06E03 - Memphis Auditions

Just an hour long episode today. YAY!

MEMPHIS -

Home of Elvis! And, why not, Elvis impersonators. Of course. 20? 30 doughnuts? LOL. The first dude cheers. And he's got a whole cheer squad behind him. MAN, they're annoying. Frank's his name. Too theatrical and over the top. But he can sing. Simon called it over the top, corny, cabaret. He tries, futilly, to change his mind. They're nice to him, but he's not through. And they cheer outside. And they lift Ryan. LOL. And they're annoying. And Simon's annoyed. "Uh, not being rude, but can you shut up?". LOL. And Ryan cursed! HA!

Timika's BORING. She looks like shit, too. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm. She can't speak properly. And she SUCKS. And incomprehensible. She SUCKS! Big, black (?), Mya balls. She asks to sing another song. Simon says it's pointless. She asks again. And then just sings. She SUCKS. Chris' COCKY. And he sucks. And he sounds like the Taylor look-a-lik from the last episode. Alexis' another African-American girl that no one can possibly understand. She sucks. And the bracelets. ARGH! Sundance? SUNDANCE??? WTF??? His dad's Roy Head, who had a number 1 song being knocked off by the Beatles' "Yesterday". WOW. Does anyone think that beards like that are appealing, IN ANY WAY? He can REALLY sing. The judges're blown away. And he's through. Simon's making a bold, or maybe not so much, prediction. And he said he blew Taylor out the park. WOW. Someone's hating on the Soul Patrol!

Wandera SUCKS. Well, not really. But she's not really good in any way. She's outta here. Simon calls her babe. She gets pissed and throws a tantrum. Some people don't get through. Travis loves EVERYONE! He said emotion(al) about 50 times. The song SUCKED! And hescked too. Danielle is sorta good. She's already got TERRIBLE hand gestures. She's through.

Some people love Paula. Topher thinks Paula's hot. His wife has been cheating him. And they broke up recently. Simon, being his usual thoughtful self, asks Topher why his wife left him. Topher says something along the lines of "...cause she's a bitch...". LOL. He sucks. He's not through, OBVIOUSLY. But he's happy he cursed his ex on national TV. Cleavage Alert! AAAHHH!!! MY EYES!!! Janita SUCKS!!!!!!! Sean looks like Osama Bin-Laden/Jesus/Castro/a homeless. Take your pick. He's even got the only one message that could actually fit all four: "We are all poor, inside. We are all homeless". Deep. And he sings about God. Of course he did. And he's good! And he's through! And Randy says, and again, I quote: "It don't matter how you look, dude, you can blow!". SERIOUSLY???

Melinda's a professional backup singer. And she's cute, in a non-sexual way. And she's BRILLIANT! She's shocked they tell her she's awesome. CUTE! ADORABLE! And she's through. Well, DUH! Elvis! Yeah, not really. Robert's delusional. And he's quite incomprehensible. And dumb. And yeah, you guessed it, he sucks, too. He's shocked that they tell him he sucks. we see some people "dance" to and "sing" "Burning Love". Terrible. Did her REALLY pull a towel from his pants' zipper? REALLY???

Phil missed the birth of his 3rd baby. BAD DAD! That "last thing she wants to hear" thing was funny! And he's not half bad. Not great, but not bad! Pretty good, actually. The judges "fight". He's through. 23 total go through. And we see a video of the Idol baby of the bald dude. Nest stop - NYC!