American Idol S06E02 - Seattle Auditions

Seattle! Woohoo! This is going to SUCK! It was wet. And rainy.

SEATTLE -

Jimi Hendrix ROCKS! Brandon's another one of those Apollo Creed like things. HE's the one that MURDERED the Sheriff last season? GOD he sucks. LOL! UNDERcover. He still SUCKS. LOL at Paula's next season comment. Ha! Jennifer's as ugly a "girl" as I've EVER seen. Hotness? She doesn't get sarcasm, does she? She SUCKS. She's an IDIOT. And she keep singing, even though Simon and the others are screaming at her. She curses.

Simon says no to a lot of people. Amy's NOT 23. I don't care what she says. She gonna "try" and sing. She failed. She sucks. LOL! Lie in a bath... LOL! Simon screams at her. LOL. Some people suck. Darwin's a girl. SERIOUSLY. Even though she doesn't really look like one. And she's boring as FUCK. And she thinks she's all that and then some. I am seriously freaked out by her. And her mom, who looks like her twin. She's got about a ton of lipstick on. Her mom's REALLY boring too. I am SERIOUSLY FREAKED OUT. I need to rinse my eyes with soap after that audition. Simon's not being rude, so all is well in the world. I am SERIOUSLY FREAKED OUT! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It rains. Again. Or still.I'm not sure. Some people don't get through. Tommy's got a fro. And he's cocky as SHIT! He already auditioned twice, and FAILED. Now his name's Thomas. And he's good. And he's through. And as he celebrates with his family, Ryan gets stuck with the tiny dog. LOL! And Simon LUV's the dog! Melissa, that goes by Carlene, is a BIT overweight, and she should NEVER dress herself. NEVER. EVER. Simon looks shocked. And Randy gives her a running start to "Baby Got Back", and she takes the reins, and lets it rip. LOL. She SUCKS. On her audition song, not Sir Mix-A-Lot's. The dog outside looks worried. And after she leaves, Simon keeps talking about her "net" clothes.

A ton of girls fix their hair. Blake doesn't need to. He's a beatboxer. He's the champion here. He beatboxes, and Simon's not impressed. His song choice SUCKED, but he can sing. Simon doesn't think he's as good as he thinks he is. He's through. His dad's proud and crying.

Some people suck. David looks like JPL's long lost GEEK brother. He SUCKS. The Malakars girl, whose name is too tough to spell, is cute! And her brother looks like MY brother! Only Indian! LOL! The cute one's first, and she's good! She's through. And Simon called the other 2 Squidly and Diddly. LOL. And the cute one said she would have been shocked if Simon jumped out of his chair. LOL! Sanjaya's next. He thinks his sister's better. And he's good too! Paula's high. Simon thinks he's a LOT better than his sis. And he's through too! And he doesn't want to say who the judges say was better, and his sister looks PISSED!

Nick Zitzmann is a shame, for all Jewish people out there. I think he's Jewish. With a name likethat, you can't assume otherwise. And he SUCKS. and he hasn't even gotten in the room yet! He's as dorky as they come.He's a leader, and that makes him the next American Idol. He's DULL. He SUCKS. Like, on Keith levels. SERIOUSLY. His look is fixated on a spot about a foot over the judges' heads. HE SUCKS! AND THEY DON'T STOP HIM! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Simon said it was almost non-human. I would have just left after that. But he had to listen to the dawg first! Simon's still shocked. And when he goes out and "talks" with Ryan, we learn that Ryan can actually be funny! Almost no one is through! Will Rudy change it? He's Venezuelan. He sings Journey, FOR Randy. But wasn't Paula in Journey? OH, RIGHT! It was Randy! He's good. And Simon says no. Paula says yes. Randy DOES love the song. And he says yes too. And he's through. "Bad Day"'s here agan! Some people talk back to Simon. LOL at him giving the finger. LOL. Will day 2 be any better? Ryan says, and i quote, "Hell no!". Shit...

It's sunny, at least for a while. Kenneth and Johnathan are the wierder incarnation of Adam and Dirk. Kenneth's first. He says he's been compared to Timberlake, Lance (?), and some boy bands. He SUCKS. So maybe these two are the suckier version of Adam and Dirk? It's going to be tough, but I really think they can do it! Simon says he looks like a bushbaby. LOL! He's outta here. I hope they don't bring him back to the finale. As he's talking with Ryan, the judges laugh their asses off about the bushbaby. LOL! Jonathan looks like a nice guy. He SUCKS, but he looks like a nice guy. He really sucks. But he's nice. And so chubby! Well, at least they have each other!

Some people SUCK. It's painful. Eric is the first ever Taylor Hicks look-a-like/impersonator. He's a hair dresser. He's stupid. And quite boring. LOL! "Yeah, you know, I try to shower, and stuff, this morning...". LOL. He SUCKS. LOL... "Age: 28 ???". Simon doesn't think he's serious. He tries to cut Simon's hair. Security jumps him. LOL. Some people tell Ryan he's short. Anna's REALLY tall. 6' 4"! Or is it 6" 4'? She's SO much taller than Ryan! LOL! She's gonna move around. Damn. But she can sorta sing. She does have one of the better schticks. Ever. Something's gotten over Paula and Randy. They make wierd growling noises as Simon's trying to make a point. He just gives up, and stops caring for the moment. LOL. She's through, BTW. LOL! "You just put through a giraffe". LOL!

Jordin's got a strange name. She's 16 and her mom says she's singing her WHOLE life! And she's good! Real good! Simon mumbled something about her being one of the best, I think, while she was still singing. Her dad's Phillippi Sparks! Simon's got no clue who that is! LOL! And she's through. Just 8 from day 2 move on. We get a craptacular montage of "Don't Cha".

Steven Thone. Big Red. REALLY??? X-Files music in the background and all... I AM SCARED... REALLY, REALLY SCARED. He thinks he's as good as Freddie Mercurey. Right... And to prove it, he's gonna sing Bohemian Rhapsody. THE WHOLE THING. And he sounds like a baby girl. LOL! HE SUCKS!!!! ROFLMAO! They all laugh. Big Red starts cursing. And tells Simon to bring it on. He doesn't make sense. I am all spooked. THAT'S IT! FINALLY! Next, Memphis, TN!