American Idol S05E41 - Top 2: The Finale Results

2... 1! 1! 1! Who will it be? WHO? WHO!!!!

We start with Carrie! YAY FOR CARRIE! She sings with Taylor and Kat, a song called "Through the Rain", by Mariah Carey, I think. And they are joined by the rest of the Top 12. They are all in all-whites.

Ben Stiller and Heather Locklear are in the audience. We ARE live. 200 million are watching, Ryan tells us. And he wastes some time. We get a video of Randy saying dude a lot of times. And hot. And dawg. And wow. He's here, and he's all pimped out wit da suit. A Paula video's next. And we get proof of the drugs. Real proof. Then it's a Simon video, or as Ryan said, The Ego Has Landed. He does all sorts of wierd stuff with his fingers. And hands. Odd. And he's sporting a cleavage tonight. Great...

We go to Birgminham, AB. The O'Donohue TWINS are here! HAWT! There are thousands of grey haired people there. Next, to Here, Here, Universal Studios. Tamyra's thee, and she looks FINE.

Paris is the first to sing, and she does so with Al Jarrea, singing "We're in This Love Together" by Al Jarreau. Mr. Al's Vocal gymnastics get tired, REAL fast.

Chris performs with Live, the band. They have a bald lead singer. Chris' bald too. LOL. They sing "Mystery" by Live, and it's totally awesome. Chris is still great, for those of you that weren't sure. All three of you.

Kellie meets Wolfgang Puck. HA! LOL! ROFL! She looks AWESOME! She's going to eat something posh. She's going to eat escargot. Gross! She's grossed out! And she doesn't believe people actually eat it. LOL! And Wolfgang tries to pronounce Albemarle. LOL!

Meat Loaf is next, and he performs "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion . Meat Loaf's REALLY over the top. The choreography and "acting" SUCKED!

We get a retrospective be Ryan, and the Golden Idols awards are announced! Because, well, the show hasn't won any REAL award... First, the Outstanding Female Vocals. The nominees all SUCK. One is delusional, one's the TAN girl, and one's the girl who thought she sounded like aretha. And the last one wins it, and Ryan makes a funny comment about the humiliation of the suckers! lol! Outstanding Male Vocalist. One did all the fingers stuff, one sweated a lot, and could sing in 3 pitches, and one's Crazy Dave. Crazy Dave wins it, hands down. And he sang Meat Loaf! LOL! And he won! And HE'S HERE! LOL! He runs around the stage, AND FALLS OFF OF IT! LOL!

Back to Puck 'n' Pick. LMAO! She jumped when they brought the live lobsters. LOL! And then Puck scared her! LOL!

The guys are "Taking Care of Business", by BTO, complete with a harmonica solo by Taylor. Then it's "Tobacco Road". Taylor still plays harmonica. LOL at Chicken Little with the deep-voiced "Tobacco Road". LOL! "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac's next. Very good fun! Taylor can really play the harmonica, REALLY well!

FORD! "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac, again. We get a summary of the various Ford commercials, and some outtakes. lol! And Kat and Tay are getting a Ford Convertible Mustang, each!

Another Golden Idol - Proudest Family Moment. The nominees are Elliot's mom, Kat's dad, Chris' wife. And the winner is Elliot's mom! She introduces Elliot, who singing "One" by U2, with Mary J. Blige. We caught a glimpse of the teleprompter. And another! It's not as much a duet, as it is two singers, each singing a different part, and at the end singing together. But it was good! I LOVE U2!

CARRIE'S HERE! She sings "Don't Forget to Remember Me", by herself! I LOVE HER! She looks TERRIFIC! And she sounds great. But you already knew that. She looks GORGEOUS!

Someone gets a Jackson Award. it's the FATASS that hated on Paula. With the silver tubetop! I HATE HER! Ryan says she is "working" tonight. LOL! And we get her response to geting the award. Laughable. Somewhat amusing.

Taylor's next. He sings "In the Ghetto" with Toni Braxton. It was very nice. Thought Toni sounded like a dude. I dunno.

The Girls are next! "Man! I Feel Like a Woman", "Trouble" by Elvis, "I'm A Woman" by Bette Midler, "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman", "I'm Every Woman". NICE!

Some more Golden Idols. Best Impersonation - a Cher one, a Jacko one, a Clay one (the one that had to pee). And the Clay one wins. And he's there to accept his award. He's going to sing. WHY??? He looks BUTT UGLY when he sings. And Clay walks in behind him! LOL! And he makes the most annoyed face EVER looking at the imitation. LOL! And the imitator's shocked. And Clay sings. I like the new hair on the Clayken. And they sing together. "Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me". Either they closed the sucky one's mic, or Clay's just THAT much more powerful, vocally. Me thinks the sucky one's in love with the awesome one. That was really cool!

A Burt Bacharach tribute , featuring Burt on piano! Cool! "What the World Needs Now is Love"- Taylor, Kat. Ace and melissa are singing "The Look of Love". Kellie sings "I'll Never Fall In Love Again". Bucky sings "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head". LOL! Mandisa's backed up by Lisa, Kellie and Paris on "I Say a Little Prayer". Lisa sings "Alfie"? Huh? Elliott, which i just noticed I misspelled his name ALL SEASON LONG, sings "A House is Not a Home", BRILLIANTLY, if I may add. Kevin sings "What's New Pussycat?". ROFL! CUTE! LOL! And Kellie Paris and Lisa do a little funny routine behind the piano. NICE! Chris and Ace join him, and they're singing "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)". Paris sings "Close to You". Dionne Warwick is in da house! She sings "Walk On By". AWESOME! "That's What Friends Are For" closes the medley, and everyone joins Dionne on it. AWESOME!

This is turning out to be quite the awesome finale, even though i couldn't care less who actually won!

Golden Idol time! Best Male Bonding. Ace and Chris hugging when Ace makes it to the Top 24, to the sounds of some grunts and moans. Ryan and Taylor, laying on the floor. And Brokenote Mountain. Garet! yay! Matthew! Michael! And Brokenote won! And they're here! And they sing! "Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys". LOL! That was actually very good! I liked it!

We are entering the results portion of the show. That means about an hour more to go! AND PRINCE IS IN DA HOUSE! Or the Artist Formerly Known as Prince. I don't know which. Never can tell the difference. He sings "Lolita". Shocker! Then he sings "Satisfied". The two chicks practically making out is hot! And the performance is great!

Taylor and Kat sing "(I've Had) The Time of My Life". Weel, they have to do a duet. And it was a good one, too!

On to the results! 63.4 MILLION VOTES! WOW! And... TAYLOR WINS! SOUL PATROL! David Hasselhoff's NEARLY crying. Not quite. The only thing Taylor wants ot say to his fans is SOUL PATROL!!! And Taylor sings about asking if we're proud of him now. And we get the confetti and fireworks. And WHOOO's. And thankyou's to everyone.