we start off by seeing the gay couple known as seacrest and dunkleman in the kodak theatre. the only thing missing is for them to hold hands...
so, 10,000 people auditioned, and over the next couple of hours, only 1% or so of them will move on to hollywood.
i'll say it just once to get it over with - the sea-dunkle duo, like most everything else on the show, are for the most part not funny. like, at all.
WOW that's an old cellphone... haven't seen something like that in 11 years...
we meet the judges - simon "britfuck" cowell, paula "pilled out" abdul, and randy "dawg" jackson. if you don't know why they earned these nicknames, you will soon enough...
LA -
steven sucks, and he sounds like someone's pulling his balls really hard, and he thinks keeping singing will make it better. and we hear, for the very first time, simon's catch-phrase: "i'm not being rude". just wait till "i'm being serious"...
tiffany montgomery, the artist future-ly known as ryan starr is hot and clumsy. LOVE that. LOVE her. her outfit is totally hot too. and she can sing.
that stephanie is so full of herself...
SEATTLE -
people are crazy. who admits to wanting to be someone's product.
as a ground rule, someone that forgets the words in his first audition, the one that is announced monthes ahead and you can sing whatever you want in, should just leave. he's wasting everyone's time...
AJ has a "heartfelt" story, a hideous necklace, and a THUMB RING?!?!?!?!? he sings star spangeld banner. no matter how good you are, and AJ is pretty good, you shouldn't sing a national anthem in an audition...
CHICAGO -
ryan, bohemian rhapsody? seriously dude? and the opera part nonetheless? not only is that part IMPOSSIBLE to do a cappella, even really good singers will have trouble with the "normal" part of the song! just no... no...
jacket, sorry, jacquette, was alright, and she was correct about the whole "big girl thing", unfortunately. she does go to hollywood, however.
jim, gay, is another one with a "heartfelt" story, and for some reason he does the song in sign language too... he's quite good though.
alexander sings a song about have sex with a woman three times to paula, who he has never met before... whateva...
mark's ego is THIS BIG!!!! i agree with simon, impersonators shouldn't come to audition unless they come as themselves.
NY -
how exactly does selling albums serve your country?
wierdly, i somewhat agree with rose... i personaly don't really care about pitch, or hitting the right notes, as long as it sounds good... she did suck though...
about the zorro thing, people shouldn't be allowed to audition, and why the hell did he get through?
they kinda exaggerated with kelly, but she's good enough to go through.
i hate this justin kid. i really hate him. he's good. he can sing. but i hate him...
ATLANTA -
RJ, like AJ and jim, looks and acts totally gay, but he's kinda good, i guess. he moves like one of those bobbly-head dogs you put on your dashboard.
john MANLY? really? wow... what's up with the guy necklaces? it's NOT cool! and we see another reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaally old cellphone. that mom thing was kinda funny.
mealanie's very peagent-y and melodramtic with her singing, but she's got a good voice, so she's through.
tamyra is awesome, and she's got that whole r&b feel to her, which is awesome.
i didn't think the canadian octoberfest was that bad, but just because of what i just wrote she shouldn't go through.
DALLAS -
kristin is beautiful, and quite a good singer, and she had the greatest fall on tv, ever.
some of the funniest moments in this show are when the judges are silent after someone finishes singing in his audition... LOL...
when people who just plain suck keep coming back for more, it's nothing more than a little amusing, but when people really improve and eventually go through, it is kinda inspiring, isn't it?
did he really just read american pie? continuing on what i said before about forgeting the words, if you need to bring the lyrics with you on a sheet of paper, even if just so that it's in your pocket in case shit happens, you probably shouldn't come to audition.
MIAMI -
christina christian (you can't even make this shit up), just rendered everything i said about lyrics moot, seeing how she was very good and all, though she did change the words so maybe that's why she needed that page. she is beautiful too, which helps.
is amnesia a dude? i'm really confused right now... ??????? and simon called her/him amnezia. WHAT?!?!?!
what was that anjela thing? i mean, if you just let god put words in your mouth, don't you think the fact that you missed the auditions in la and dallas is his way of saying don't do this?
what i think about excuses? don't even begin to try and do that, especially if you say you don't want to make excuse, it just makes you look like an idiot...
and then we see ryan cry and the auditions are over!
next on the menu is HELL WEEK, as it will later be known as, or just hollywood week for now.
p.s. - if you haven't already, go to youtube and watch the full audition of kelly clarkson, now! it's the best one, and not just because of the singing.
p.p.s. - i know this is kinda long, but just wait for the 8 episodes, 10 hours extravaganza that will be the auditions episodes in future seasons...
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